I Love You Although I Can’t Hug You

“If one tiny virus can stop the entire world, perhaps one mitzvah can save the world.”
— Dr. Benjamin Hulkower

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” — neurologist Viktor E. Frankl

Viktor Frankl understood the necessity for individuals to change. One prayer that has helped me is the Serenity Prayer. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” That’s where I believe we are right now. And may be for a while.

Husband: Hey honey, what do you want to do tonight?
Wife: I’d like to go out to dinner and a movie.
Husband: We can’t. What else?
Wife: I’d like to be able to hug and kiss my children without thinking it might be the end of us.
Husband: You can kiss me.
Wife: Doctor said not till Tuesday.

For the past couple of years, I’ve been asked to change so many of my beliefs. I’m being told by scientists that we are facing an existential threat and that the world will be ending in 8 to 12 years. OK, I won’t buy beach property.

People are telling me we need to end fracking. I don’t even know what fracking is. It sounds like a dirty word.

I can’t handle being locked in for months but I can handle it for today.

I’m now finding out that many of my childhood heroes were nothing but scum-sucking slaveholders. I’m also told I’m a racist because I’m white, which I swear I had nothing to do with. And if that wasn’t enough, ladies and germs, please welcome the coronavirus.

Coronavirus: Thank you. Nice to be here infecting everyone. I’ll be here all …?

My governor has asked that I don’t go outside. Before the coronavirus, the last time I was told not to go out was by my mother in 1967. Now, only one family member is supposed to shop. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention officially has classified my wife and me as old and weak. Supermarkets are now allowing people my age in early for first dibs on prune juice.

Every package or piece of mail could be as lethal as anthrax. When I get into my car, how do I know some infected 7-year-old didn’t touch my car door handle an hour before I got there? Every orange and lemon in the supermarket is a potential landmine.

My 401(k) is now a 104(k). People tell me it’s a great time to buy stock. I’m more worried about buying toilet paper — which my stock certificates are quickly turning into.

What should we do? Putting your face in your pillow then kicking and screaming with all you got might help. Prayer is always a good thing. Try to stay healthy: get rest, eat well, exercise and keep down the stress level. Also, don’t argue too much with your cellmates.

After all of that, the real battle is in your head. In my little world, the coronavirus is not a normal event. But in the real world, these things can happen. I don’t know about you, but my mind loves to take me on trips through very bad neighborhoods. I recently fantasized myself dead and felt bad because no one could attend my funeral or shivah. Like an ocean wave, I let these thoughts  come and go. Almost everyone is scared. The entire world has been dragged into a Stephen King novel.

What I do to stay sane? I try to live just for today. Stay in the here and now. Remember that I have all I need for today. The future is not my friend. I can’t handle being locked in for months but I can handle it for today. So, I stay calm and carry on.

And one more thing that really helps is acceptance. The virus doesn’t have to change; it’s me that has to change and accept everything exactly as it is. We’ve all read about pandemics. Well, hello, it’s here. Good luck and God bless. I look forward to hugging you on the other side.

Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer.