The Respect that Aging Deserves

The Torah (Vayikra 19:32) says, “Mipnei Seiva Takum V’Hadarta Bifnei Zakein,” teaching that “one must rise up …and honor the face of the old man.” The Shulchan Aruch rules that one must stand for elders once they have reached the age of 70 … all those present must stand up before them. 

Respect and honor are at the root of our tradition and a clear reminder that one who ages, despite their physical or mental deterioration, has an elevated status. Our souls expand despite the diminishment of body. One increases in experience and wisdom as one ages while also facing physical challenges. As one who is a few years from my 80th birthday, I live in a world that is as agist as can be imagined. Watching slower movements, confusing one name for another, forgetting a phone number or an address become immediate reminders that things shift and change beyond our control but viewed by others with dismay, feeding that agism. Unlike certain cultures, Persian and Asian for sure, that embrace their elders and fully envelop them in their lives, ours wants to isolate those that make us feel uncomfortable. Feelings of embarrassment, by many in our culture, are rampant as they seek to be surrounded by youthful popular Hollywood personalities. The overabundant use of Botox and fillers to erase lines and sagging skin on the human face speaks to the level of discomfort watching senior personalities on our screens. 

There is no question that the infamous debate on June 27 raised a plethora of responses – some odious, some of pathos, for some of us even in tears of sadness to see our President, hero to many, reflect the most diminishment imaginable. Questioning the decisions of his support staff, we wondered how this could have happened. The extremity of President Biden’s responses (or lack of), movements and facial expressions, makes one wonder what was at the root of such behavior. There had to have been an explanation – medication, illness, extreme exhaustion. The debate should have been cancelled honoring his state at that moment. But as is often expressed, G-d works in mysterious ways. It was meant to be and will most likely lead to surprising results.

But what we faced in the weeks that followed was a human drama. The issues of ageing, the pain of loss and grief in the arena of work and professional life, the kind of conversation that ensues amongst colleagues and families, the cultural responses and critiques observing weakness in the human endeavor, faced us head-on and triggered so many feelings for those facing their later years. For those of us sensitive to the human journey, leading others in our congregations, supporting many as they face and travel this road, deep levels of emotions rose to the surface. Shifting the conversation, finding the gifts that the latter part of our lives bring, and as Psalm 92 reminds us “we will blossom in old age,” has been the focus within the Jewish community. Giving up independence, driving, meaningful work etc is not an easy task. All of us face it at one point or another. However, the blessings and rewards that emerge as we assess our lives, as we age, gives us strength and dignity when we truly need it.

The blessings and rewards that emerge as we assess our lives, as we age, gives us strength and dignity when we truly need it.

For some of us compassion for this incredible president filled our hearts as we watched him face his existential decision-making around the work he values and takes complete pride in. The magnificent job he accomplished fed his desire to continue. Yet, the lack of confidence by many must have cut his soul to the core. His resistance and fighting spirit are something to emulate, however the realities of cultural norms and certain kinds of physical or mental weakness, as a measure of competency, is a reality that must be faced. 

Joe Biden’s profound ability to lead this country and the world, for that matter, is beyond imagination particularly as his age has been questioned. NATO is stronger than ever; our nation is envied by just about every country in the world which is largely why millions are willing to trek through the most dangerous circumstances to come here. From the age of 77 through 81, he has performed brilliantly.

I weep at President Biden’s selflessness but kvell at his indomitable strength and humanity. May he live to 120 knowing his presidency was one of the most remarkable and competent in modern history.

Eva Robbins is a rabbi, cantor, artist and the author of “Spiritual Surgery: A Journey of Healing Mind, Body and Spirit.”