The Torah provides a list of holy rebukes and punishment. If we do not follow God’s ways, there will be various forms of retribution. While many of us do not subscribe to this kind of theology, we can certainly relate to feeling a sense of anger or intense disappointment when someone acts in a manner that we consider, disrespectful or even, dangerous. The question is whether the “offender” can receive the rebuke.
Masekhet Shabbat teaches, “Whomever can stop the members of his household from committing a sin, but does not, is held responsible for the sins of his household.” However, Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah points out that he doubted anyone in his generation was capable of receiving rebuke. On one hand, we are supposed to help others improve; on the other hand, it is likely the person won’t receive our critique with open arms. What are we supposed to do?
There is no simple answer. Years of research informs the ways we should communicate critique. Our tone of voice, where we are located, and our relationship to the person all play major factors. However, we can start with asking ourselves the following questions: Can we take it? Are we open to criticism so that we too, enrich our moral and spiritual development?
We should at least start with what the Talmud advises, “Correct yourself before you correct others.” Let us not be too quick to reprove others before taking the time to examine ourselves. Just as we take our cars in for maintenance checks, our soul could use a quick tuneup as well.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Nicole Guzik is senior rabbi at Sinai Temple. She can be reached at her Facebook page at Rabbi Nicole Guzik or on Instagram @rabbiguzik. For more writings, visit Rabbi Guzik’s blog section from Sinai Temple’s website.
