Raising Jewish Children

It seems easy to be Jewish if you grow up in a Jewish area. It is even easier to be religious if you grow up in an observant area. As we grow up and sometimes leave our Jewish bubbles, the world seems to be harder, and oftentimes confusing.

Recently, I heard Rachel Goldberg-Polin in an interview. She said that when her son, slain hostage Hersh Goldberg-Polin, decided to become less observant, he still woke up early on Shabbat and went to shul with their family. Rachel asked him why, and he said because he didn’t want his father to be alone. Rachel also writes in her book, When We See You Again, that she wrote Hersh a letter before he went on a trip to Europe. She said, “Hodding Carter said, ‘Two of the greatest gifts we can give our children are roots and wings.” How do we give our children Jewish roots and Jewish wings in today’s time?

I grew up going to a Jewish day school. I attended a conservative elementary school and an Orthodox high school. After that, I went to a secular college. One day in college on a cold February morning, I was walking to class with one of my best non-Jewish friends, and I said, “There must have been a really fun party last night because so many people have dirt on their foreheads.” She politely told me it was Ash Wednesday, then explained what it was.

That friend told me not to feel bad about not knowing what Ash Wednesday was, because she didn’t know what Simchat Torah, Sukkot, or any of the Jewish holidays that aren’t commercialized were. We both learned in that moment, thanks to my Jewish roots. Now, as I raise my children shomer Shabbat in a Jewish but not observant area, I think about how I will give my children strong Jewish roots.

I do realize it is more challenging to raise my children in a non-observant community than in one with people like us. I also know that I have learned so much from being around people who aren’t like me. I have learned how special Judaism is, how it connects my family and me in a way that I will forever be grateful for. For 25 hours, I turn off my phone, and I am completely present. I love the benefits it has given my nuclear family.

My family and I live over a mile from our synagogue in Chicago. Most people believe that means that we don’t go to synagogue in the winter, but we make the trek in snow, cold, and rain. Our children spend the majority of the week indoors and are happy to be outside. To feel the wind on their face. My son always says to me on our cold walks, “I am nature boy, I just love being in nature.” Our children associate Shabbat with nature, and that makes them even more excited to wake up and walk to synagogue, even if it takes us longer because we have to pick up sticks, rocks, and dandelions along the way.

Every Shabbat, we make sure to have something fun planned. We have the neighborhood children come over, go on long walks, play at the parks, and find something fun and exciting to do. We make Shabbat a community event, even with people who aren’t observant and, in some cases, aren’t even Jewish.

My children are young, and I know that, over time, our choice of where we live will be harder on them. I know they might test us. However, for now, I do see how much they love Judaism. They are so excited for Shabbat dinners with their grandparents and their friends. They wake up and get ready for synagogue because they are happy to be part of the Junior congregation and see their friends. They talk about their pride in being Jewish with their non-Jewish neighbors. We even have some neighbors we look forward to seeing on our walks to synagogue who brighten up our Shabbats. It is work to build a Shabbat community in a non-religious area, but I see it paying off because when they are older and go to college, they might not be surrounded by observant people. These younger years are their foundation, and hopefully, their memories will be filled with love and Jewish pride.

Last Chanukkah, my family and I were hiking in the Ozarks, and we had our menorah with us. One of my closest friends is not Jewish, and she texted me that her children wanted to light the Chanukkah candles because they had just learned about Chanukkah. While the sun set, we ended up Facetiming and lighting together. It was beautiful and meant so much to me. I truly believe that the more we teach our children to love Judaism, as Rachel did with Hersh, the deeper the roots they will have as they grow in this melting pot of a world.

Dana Fine is an acupuncturist in the Chicago suburbs. She is also the author of the Children’s book “Finding Balance.”