I heard Kol Nidre on a viola tonight.
It’s not the first time. Last year a piano –
So many instruments have reminded me
of my failure to keep my promises.
A piano, a cello, an electric guitar,
the voice of an angel, a bassoon
for God’s sake (and it is for God’s sake.)
I had every intention to keep these promises
but humans plan and the divine laughs.
This is the contract I will sign tonight
disavowing me of all vows. I’m off the hook
until next year when I’ll be off the hook again.
I appreciate the forgiveness but
they should take away my license to vow
if I’m going to keep missing the mark like this.
When I think of all my mistakes
I wonder how I can trust myself.
How I can see my eyes in the mirror
and believe anything that comes
out of my lips. Didn’t Someone with
a capital S expect more from me when
They brought me out of Egypt?
Or was God smiling like a knowing parent
as I confidently promised my way
through every day of the last year
knowing the cut of my jib was cool, but
my words were larger than my ears?
This is the never-ending circle of this
annual contract. It’s up for review again
and the terms never change.
Next year – you might hear this on
a theremin, or a tuba, or a funky bass.
We’ll see. I’ve learned not to make promises.
Rick Lupert, a poet, songleader and graphic designer, is the author of 29 books including “God Wrestler: A Poem for Every Torah Portion.” Visit him at www.JewishPoetry.net
