Honesty in the Time of Elul

As we are in the month of Elul, there’s an undeniable feeling in the air — a sense of anticipation, urgency, and, let’s be honest, maybe a little panic. The Yamim Norayim are around the corner, and suddenly, everyone’s sprinting to repent like it’s a spiritual Black Friday. But before we get caught up in the checklist of apologizing to every acquaintance, let’s talk about what real repentance and growth actually look like. Spoiler alert: It’s not about saying the right things for one month and hoping Hashem doesn’t notice our year-long habits of procrastination.

Repentance isn’t meant to be a fleeting season; it’s a call to personal growth that should stretch far beyond Elul. It’s like joining a gym on Jan. 1 — if you go all-out for two weeks and then disappear, that gym membership isn’t doing much for your fitness, is it? In the same way, Elul is a jump-start, not a one-time detox for the soul. We’re here to change the way we live, not just buy spiritual credit until next year.

Repentance isn’t meant to be a fleeting season; it’s a call to personal growth that should stretch far beyond Elul. It’s like joining a gym on Jan 1 — if you go all-out for two weeks and then disappear, that gym membership isn’t doing much for your fitness, is it?

As Ernest Hemingway wisely put it, “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” Elul is not a competition of who can fast the longest or cry the hardest during Selichot. It’s about being able to look at yourself a year from now and say, “I’m a little better. I handled that situation differently. I didn’t yell at my kids as much.” Because that’s growth! Real nobility is inching forward — even when it’s hard, messy and slow.

Growth, though, isn’t automatic. Abraham Maslow said, “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” Notice how Maslow didn’t say “choose growth once, and you’re good to go!” We are faced with this choice over and over again. Growth is less about some massive overhaul and more about the daily choices. It’s when you’re tempted to lash out but take a deep breath instead, or when you feel like avoiding a difficult conversation but dive in anyway. Those are the little victories that add up to a bigger transformation.

Let’s be honest — some of us treat Elul like an annual subscription service to repentance. We sign up, say the right things, and figure we’ve got a solid year of spiritual subscription ahead. But repentance is supposed to be a lifestyle, not a 30-day free trial. If we only crack open the book of self-improvement once a year, we’ll keep getting the same tired results. 

So this year, let’s take Elul seriously — but not too seriously. Be honest with yourself. Make small, achievable resolutions. Laugh when you mess up (because you will), and get back to work. The point isn’t to be perfect by Yom Kippur; the goal is to be authentically a bit better by Yom Kippur. And if you can carry that momentum forward, then you’ve unlocked the real code of repentance — sustained growth, all year long.

Elan Javanfard, M.A., L.M.F.T. is a Consulting Psychotherapist focused on behavioral health redesign and a Professor of Psychology at Pepperdine University and Touro University. He is the author of “Psycho-Spiritual Insights: Exploring Parasha & Psychology” weekly blog.  He lives in the Los Angeles Pico Robertson community with his wife and three children and can be reached at Elan.Javanfard@gmail.com.