During the Yamim Noraim, the Days of Awe, we face the Unatanetokef prayer: The stanzas that ask us to confront who will live and who will die. As each page of the mahzor comes closer to its recitation, I find myself wishing the prayer away, closing my eyes to ignore the reality that life is not guaranteed.
This year, I wrote my own addition to the Unatanetokef—perhaps some of my questions will help us to not look away, but rather, face this year and choose life over and over again.
God, I know we are always inching closer to the world to come. And to that reality, on this Yom Kippur, before you, I’m not turning away.
This year, how will I live, and how will I fully embrace this world of the living?
This year, how will I live and be present to those that need me the most?
This year, how will I live and open my heart to that which scares me—to taking new steps, risks, and knowing there will be failure and knowing there just might also be success?
This year, how will I live and face myself in the mirror, confronting my lies, my excuses, my procrastination, and my fears?
This year, how will I live, swimming alongside grief, to allow myself to feel semblances of joy? To laugh? To love?
This year, how will I live, look for, create, and provide beauty where it is most needed?
This year, how will I live, using my voice the way God intends, and align the demands of my heart with the abilities of my hands?
This year, how will I live, further understanding my purpose, expanding the confines and definitions of who I am meant to be?
This year, how will I live so that one day, one day, when death invites me closer, I will say with self-reassurance and confidence?
Oh my, what a life I chose to live. Amen.
Shana Tovah and Shabbat Shalom.
Rabbi Nicole Guzik is senior rabbi at Sinai Temple. She can be reached at her Facebook page at Rabbi Nicole Guzik or on Instagram @rabbiguzik. For more writings, visit Rabbi Guzik’s blog section from Sinai Temple’s website.
