February 26, 2020

Mormon gays living heterosexual lives on TV — not that there’s anything wrong with that

Kudos to cable channel TLC for refusing to bow to the demands of the GLAAD and change.org crowd to cancel the show My Husband’s Not Gay, the first episode of which aired last night. I never cease to be amazed by the level of intolerance displayed by some gay activists, who nevertheless insist that everyone in the country tolerate and endorse whatever is on their agenda. In this case, TLC put a national spotlight on Mormon married men who are attracted to other men but – horror of horrors! – choose to live a heterosexual married life with their wives’ knowledge and support. Tens of thousands of tolerant folks signed a petition demanding that these men’s stories not be aired, and TLC was brave enough to tell them to go pound sand.

One of the activists’ main objections is that the reality show – in their view — sends the message that people are not born with homosexual desires, which should be repressed whenever possible. Well, the show’s stars actually do believe that their desires are part of who they are; it’s just that they choose not to act on them. People with all kinds of sexual desires choose not to act on them, and in many cases that’s a good thing. In this case, the men believe that sex outside of male-female marriage is sinful, and they are trying to make what for them is a moral choice to marry and stay faithful to their wives, all of whom are aware of their attraction to men.

I do believe that many, if not most, gays are born with a homosexual orientation, and I don’t believe that marriage is a “cure” for homosexual attraction. However, that’s not the dynamic here. If a woman is attracted to men but for any number of reasons ends up in a lesbian relationship (I have seen this happen more than once), gay activists have no problem with that. What is intolerable for them is a gay man who chooses, based on his religious beliefs, to enter into a heterosexual relationship with a woman who is aware of his orientation and wants to help him to live a heterosexual life. What business is it of GLAAD how these men live their lives? Where’s the tolerance?

True confession: I am very skeptical of so-called reparative therapy, which claims to reduce or even reorient same-sex attraction. Nothing on earth could make me sexually attracted to men, and I have trouble believing that gay men who are completely honest with themselves could really go from wanting Chippendales tickets to buying the swimsuit edition of SI. However, if there’s one thing in life that I cannot know much about, it’s another person’s sexuality. If someone claims that reparative therapy or a spiritual experience has reoriented his sexual desires, neither GLAAD activists nor I can say with 100% certainty that it hasn’t. What I can say with certainty is that it is none of our business.

What a beautiful day it will be when tolerance towards homosexuals will be extended to those gays who wish to enter into heterosexual relationships with willing partners. I’m glad that this show is on the air. Gays with conservative religious beliefs who want to have heterosexual relationships need to know that there are people doing just that. They also need to know that they don’t need permission from GLAAD and change.org censors to live what they believe to be moral lives. On a basic level I don’t understand how these men can do what they do. However, I do applaud their courage.