The Talk for the Jewish Community

In the three months following the October 7th terrorist attacks on Israel, 3,291 antisemitic incidents took place in the United States alone. In 2022, there were 3,697 antisemitic incidents in the entire year. Threats of violence and harassment against Jews remain omnipresent. In this environment, parents of children in the Jewish community must teach our youngest members about the dangers and realities of the world. I want to propose that the Jewish community create a new tradition called “lekach” (Hebrew for “lesson”).

This idea of such a lesson is not new; it comes from a generations-old tradition in the Black community of parents talking with and sharing painful truths, wisdom and guidance with their children. These talks have long been viewed as rites of passage critical for preparing children for the realities they will face in the world. Broderick Leaks, a mental health professional at the University of Southern California, notes that with his son the talk became a moment of “how to prepare children of color, and specifically Black boys, for the realities of living in a society amid racism.” Leaks believes these talks play a vital role in “prepping your children for the realities of society that they have to navigate” are a challenge because “you want them to be kids. You want them to go out and have fun and not stress … But you also don’t want to set them up for a rude awakening.” Versions of the talk change and evolve,  each one with a specific set of warnings about the times, and each family “must decide what kind of values, life lessons and guidance to impart.”

Recently I decided to give my six-year-old son his first lesson because I could no longer shield him from the harsh world that Jews are now forced to confront. While I never shared the details of the October 7th massacre with him, he has picked up on the fact that something awful happened. He knew that his cousins were suddenly trying to save people in a “war” in Israel. He was visibly distressed and worried about the hostages, especially the children, because he could see the posters all over the city. And as a member of a Zionist Jewish family active within the Jewish community, my son eventually figured out that a lot of Jews were killed. Being in New York City, he has witnessed several anti-Israel demonstrations, heard their words, and seen their posters, flags and graffiti.

The Israel Day Parade, with the “Bring them home” chants, prompted me to talk with him. I needed both to bring him comfort and offer some guidance. I explained to him that we are proud to be Jewish; our faith informs how we interact with others, and how we make the world a better place. But not everyone in the world is very nice; some try to hurt Jewish people for being Jewish.

I tried to teach him that not everyone will help you and that we need to love our friends, our family, and know who will be there for us and who can help us. I stressed that he should never intend to hurt anyone, only help others, and I tried to explain that the world can be a dangerous place and we need to be careful. He said that he understood that not everyone will be nice to us, and while I wished I could have been more eloquent, it was difficult because this was a conversation I never wanted to have with a six-year-old. However, he listened to my words carefully, loved waving the Israeli flag, and I assume that this was the first of many such talks that I will have with him over the years.

The lesson that I gave to my son could not wait. These lessons for Jewish children are sadly needed across the Jewish community because many truths have now been revealed. Parents need to prepare their children to understand how to manage and thrive in a world where Jews are hated and not protected. Our children must learn that despite all the language and action around diversity equity and inclusion, those ideas are often anything but inclusive. And parents must help children learn that some people who claim to be our friends and allies are not always what they appear.

These lessons for Jewish children are sadly needed across the Jewish community because many truths have now been revealed.

I do not want to burden my son with the intensity of the antisemitism. But it is my responsibility to prepare him for this harsh world. I never had such a talk with my parents; nor did every other parent that I have talked to about the current wave of hate. Many of us parents learned about antisemitism from school and Jewish communal events and activities such as the March of the Living and school programs and we recognized that there was hate, but much of it was in the past or marginalized. As true feelings toward Jews and Israel are now out in the open for the world to see, other parents and I regularly talk about how to prepare our children for a social order that is anything but civil.

Other parents and I have been struggling with the question of how do we prepare young children for a world that is hostile to them for no other reason than that they are Jewish and are believed to be part of a class of people that should be taken down as oppressors. Of course, there are numerous possible responses to how to manage the pervasive antisemitism that can range from changing school curricula to advocacy and counter-political action. But I, like many parents, want to feel that I can have some direct and immediate response and influence over my son and how my own family reacts to this tragedy. So I had a tough talk with him about the world and I suspect that I will sadly have more down the road. Creating a new Jewish tradition of teaching our children lessons about the world that they must now traverse is one powerful and direct way Jewish parents can help protect and fortify the next generation.

Samuel J. Abrams is a professor of politics at Sarah Lawrence College and a senior fellow at the American Enterprise Institute.