When I was in college, I fell in love with comedy. I got internships at “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart” and The Onion, I took improv classes and I did standup at open mics. I dreamed of being a famous comedian.
After graduation, I met someone, let’s call him Mike, who was also doing standup. We became good friends. We would go to open mics together and see other comedians perform. He had also done improv and wrote sketches all the time.
One day, I found out that Mike had won a prestigious comedy competition. He was going to appear on television with a famous comedian and do a standup set on late night, even though he was only one year into doing comedy, just like me.
My immediate reaction when I found out about Mike’s success was jealousy. Even though I hadn’t entered the competition, I thought, “Why does he deserve this? Why am I not doing as well as him? How is he so lucky?”
Mike was funny and a nice person to be around. However, my feelings towards him were tainted as soon as I saw that his star was rising. After that, he went onto writing for a major TV star, and we lost touch. I pursued journalism and marketing and let my husband, Daniel Lobell, also a comedian, be the funny one in the relationship.
I recently checked up on Mike, as I hadn’t heard about him in years. He’s still grinding away in the comedy business. He’s had a number of great opportunities. But he’s not some huge star. He didn’t “make it” from that one comedy competition.
I realized just how unhealthy it was for me to be jealous of Mike. I should have been happy for my friend. I should have said to myself, “He worked hard, and he deserves this.”
I’ve grown so much since then. I don’t really feel jealous of others anymore, and the rare times that I do, I’m able to quickly stop it from getting out of hand.
I now know that you should always look at others with the “good eye” – if you do not, you invite negative energy into your life – and that can destroy you.
We also have no clue what’s going on with someone behind the scenes. Maybe they look wealthy on the outside but they’re secretly in millions of dollars’ worth of debt; maybe someone has hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers, but they bought them all to look bigger than they actually are; maybe that guy or girl with the beautiful face and high fashion clothes feels terrible about themselves. You never know about the struggles people are facing just by seeing a snapshot of their lives. You may think they have it all, but trust me, they don’t.
We have no clue what’s going on with someone behind the scenes … You never know about the struggles people are facing just by seeing a snapshot of their lives. You may think they have it all, but trust me, they don’t.
I talk to influencers all the time. These are people with huge followings and seemingly perfect lives who appear to be at the top of their game. Often, they tell me about how they wish they were as big as the person with a larger following than them. And so on it goes – everyone will always be better than you in some way. You could be infinitely jealous if you wanted. It’s not worth it.
If we are jealous of someone else, it’s because we are lacking something in our lives. When it came to Mike, I could have said to myself, “Wow, he really knows what he’s doing.” I could have asked him for tips on doing standup comedy or perhaps see if he needed someone to assist him with joke writing. I could have learned from him, but my competitive and jealous mentality got in the way.
I learned my lesson: I shouldn’t let jealousy eat me up inside. I should be happy for others, see everyone favorably and focus on improving my own life. If you are struggling with jealousy, I encourage you to do the same. You’ll be a happier person and invite many more blessings into your life.
Kylie Ora Lobell is an award-winning writer and Community Editor of the Jewish Journal. You can find Kylie on X @KylieOraLobell or Instagram @KylieOraWriter.
