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Yes, I Can Take Your Call Now

We juggle our duties as the days and nights require, our family’s interests at heart.
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March 16, 2022
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Last week I served a sour cream coffee cake—sans the sour cream. These cakes usually turn out well, but this flat, sad-looking thing literally refused to rise to the occasion. This is what happens when you forget a key ingredient, in this case, sour cream. 

In my defense, five grandchildren were underfoot, three of whom had insisted on helping. The girls, seven and nine, are already experienced bakers — I should have left it to them entirely. But also supervising three rambunctious grandsons, ages five, four, and two, was one distraction too far. No one complained, however. The cake still had oil, sugar, chocolate, and a landslide of confetti sprinkles further sinking the cake, courtesy of the four-year-old.

I confess that even as I bask in the glow of my family, I feel impatient to return to my writing work, pushed off for yet another day. 

I love these Sundays and the joyful chaos they bring, culinary and otherwise. But I confess that even as I bask in the glow of my family, I feel impatient to return to my writing work, pushed off for yet another day. When I was a young mother raising our four kids, I knew there was no such thing as a true “work-life balance.” The kids and their needs came first. I managed the house, cooked, shopped, prepared for Shabbat and holidays, drove carpool and to all the kids’ appointments and activities. I exercised, attended Torah classes, and set aside a little quiet time with my husband. I thought: When the kids are all grown up, then I’ll be able to work so much more!

What was I smoking? Now as an older mom and grandmother of eight, I acknowledge there’s still no real work-life balance and there never will be. It’s the best problem in the world to have adult children and even children-in-law who call and want to talk, sometimes about significant life and career issues. What Jewish mother wouldn’t kvell being constantly asked for her opinion? Sometimes, I’m asked to babysit, not only because I offer very favorable rates but can often locate lost pacifiers even in a dark room. I conduct FaceTime Story Time with a two-year-old with an insatiable appetite for books. I still manage the house and cook. Now I’m also planning for Pesach like a general coordinating a foreign invasion: two sets of married kids and their children will bunk down in every spare room. I can already hear the clarion complaint, “There’s nothing to eat!” after I’ve spent a fortune on kosher for Pesach food.

But I love to work, which causes some conflict. Sometimes I summon the courage to create stronger boundaries around my work life and email my kids, announcing with great solemnity the hours when I will not be available and my phone will be on silent. But lacking the discipline to leave the phone in another room, seeing one of my kid’s names on caller ID triggers a highly reactive and emotional mom response — and I cave. What if they really need me? And how nice it always is to hear their voice! 

Ditto for the family WhatsApp. I’m a sucker for any new incoming photo or video of my grandchildren doing something cute. If it’s really cute, such as our ten-month-old granddaughter demonstrating her new skill of making loud, smacking, kissing noises, I may actually binge-watch. I admire my friends who protect their worktime with militaristic zeal. But they will never be the first to watch the latest video of their grandkids dancing and laughing, wearing nothing but skivvies.  

On Friday nights we sing an ode to the Jewish woman, “Eishet Chayil,” written by King Solomon. She was one multitasking momma, negotiating real estate deals, weaving and selling linen garments; giving tzedakah, making sure everyone was well-clad and well-fed. I also willingly work with my hands, but at the computer, not wielding a spindle. I “gird my loins” and maintain strong arms through exercise, the better to heft babies, small children, and heavy pans of brisket. Our foremothers’ lives were in many ways unrecognizable compared to our own, but none of us have ever had “work-life balance.” We juggle our duties as the days and nights require, our family’s interests at heart. And like the “Eishet Chayil,” we look to the future with confidence and laugh.


Judy Gruen’s books include “The Skeptic and the Rabbi: Falling in Love with Faith.”

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