I like to gripe about men (especially my husband) as much as the next woman, but I have to admit that, at times, I'm the one who has those irritating “guy” habits. But here’s the thing. Unlike guys, when women do “guy” things, they can’t get away with it. For example, although the television shows I watch are not stereotypically male, I watch them in a “male” way. That is, I’m a “grazer.” I change channels more often than the Kardashians change spouses, hair color or gender, as the case may be. I can keep track of the different storylines because I’m a multi-tasker (not, as my husband claims, a multi-personality.) And, of course, I hold the remote.
Usually, guys do both the holding and the grazing, to the annoyance of the women they’re with. They get away with it because, 99% of the time, when a man and a woman watch television together, the man will just grab that device and fiddle with it for the rest of the night like it’s his favorite appendage. And women are so beaten down on this issue that the most they will do in response is feebly say their man’s name in two parts (“Da-ave,” ”Ro-bert”). But if a woman – like me – is the one doing the fiddling, she gets eight kinds of flack from her man.
Like the other day, when my husband and I were watching television, this is what happened:
Me: Ty-pi-cal. Just because she’s a woman, she has to do her taxes in a bikini? [click]
Husband: She wasn’t doing her taxes.
Me: What are you talking about? Her boyfriend just asked her if she attached receipts to her Schedule “C.”
Husband: That wasn’t her boyfriend, and he wasn’t asking if she “attached receipts” to her Schedule “C”. Jon Steward was talking about “attacks in the streets” when you switched channels to someone asking bikini-girl if she wanted “iced tea.”
Me: Wait a minute. What do “attacks in the streets” have to do with wrinkles?
Husband: Nothing. Cake Boss was asking for “sprinkles” when you switched to Jon Stewart.
Me: That was Cake Boss? So why was he about to give some guy a shave?
Husband: He was FROSTING A CAKE!!! GIVE ME BACK MY APPENDAGE!!!
See what I mean? Men. Clearly, they have (remote) control issues.
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