Parenting and Politics: How to Talk to Kids about War

Parenting and politics have always been intertwined, but in moments of global conflict, that connection becomes unavoidable. For Jewish families in particular, conversations about war are rarely abstract. Since Oct. 7, 2023 our experiences remind us that what happens in the world matters deeply and personally.

War has a way of entering our homes through headlines, overheard conversations, social media or playground chatter. Even if we try to shield our children, they will hear something. And eventually, many will come to us with questions that feel impossibly big: “Why is America bombing Iran?” “Are we safe?” “Is a war coming here?”

Our instinct may be to immediately explain or reassure. But the first and most important step is actually much simpler: pause and ask, “What have you heard?”

This question gives us a window into what our child already believes, which may be incomplete or inaccurate. It also communicates respect. It tells our children that their voice matters, and that this is a conversation not a lecture.

According to parenting expert Betsy Brown Braun, a parent’s role is to act as a “container” for our child’s feelings. We hold the emotional weight so they don’t have to carry it alone. Especially in Jewish homes, where open dialogue and questioning are part of our tradition, this approach feels natural. We sit with discomfort, we ask questions, and we seek understanding together.

Once we know what our child has heard, we can begin to respond in an age-appropriate way. With younger children, simplicity is key. One helpful analogy is the playground: if you see a child being bullied, you don’t just stand by as a bystander, you step in, you get help, you do something. In the same way, countries have a responsibility to stand up when others are being hurt.

For older children and teens, this is an opportunity to go deeper. You can explain the history of the 1979 Iranian Revolution and how the Islamic Republic has, over decades, brutally suppressed dissent including the killing of over 45,000 of its own people in January. That’s a powerful contrast to our lives here in America, where the right to speak out is protected by the First Amendment.

These are important conversations that remind our children that the freedoms we enjoy as Americans are not guaranteed everywhere and should never be taken for granted. They also open the door to discussing responsibility: that as Jewish Americans, living in one of the most powerful nations on earth, we have a duty to help others and to stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves. In Judaism we call this “Tikkun Olam,” meaning repairing the world by standing up for justice, helping others and doing good beyond just your immediate circle.

As parents, we can use these moments to share our values as a Jewish family. We can teach our children that no one wants war. Peace is always the goal. But courage sometimes means standing up to the bully, even when it’s difficult. Our tradition calls on us to pursue justice and to be people who do what is right, not what is easy.

At the same time, we must tend to the emotional layer beneath our children’s questions. When they ask about war, they are often really asking, “Am I safe?” Reassurance should be honest but grounding. Let them know they are protected, that there are people working to keep them safe, and that they are not alone.

We also need to be mindful of our own reactions. Children absorb not just our words, but our tone and energy. If we respond with panic or anger, they will feel that intensity. Instead, we can model steadiness: “This is something I think about too, but we can talk about it together.”

In today’s hyperconnected world, older children may also encounter misinformation or disturbing images online. Rather than trying to block everything, which is nearly impossible, we can guide them. Teach them to question sources, to seek truth and to think critically. Show them how countries like Iran export propaganda online and in schools to fuel anti-Western beliefs. You can use examples of college campuses after Oct. 7 and how quickly students were brainwashed to support terrorists.

Above all, these conversations should not happen just once. They should evolve as our children grow and as the world changes. Keep the door open. Let them know they can always come back with questions, doubts or fears.

Parenting in times of conflict is never simple. But it is also an opportunity to raise thoughtful, compassionate and courageous children with a strong moral compass. Children who understand that with freedom comes responsibility. Children who know that standing by is not enough. And children who, rooted in Jewish values, will grow up ready to stand up, speak out and do what is right.

Shirin Yadegar is the founder of www.lamommagazine.com.