Checking Boxes and Changing Institutions

In general, I’ve been fortunate to find Jewish spaces to be affirming of my sexual orientation.  Perhaps this is a result of self-selecting to only participate in communities that are already affirming, but whatever it is, I’m pretty thankful for it. 

I recently moved to Chicago, and as a way to start my engagement with the Jewish community, I went to the ” title=”here” target=”_blank”>here.)  Given that I’m already in a relationship – albeit with a non-Jew – I’m not interested.

Apparently as part of the “coding” process at the Federation, participants’ demographic information is recorded, including marital status.  Now, as a reminder, in Illinois, much like in ” title=”data ” target=”_blank”>data would show, there are lots of us in between – dating, cohabiters, domestic partners, civil unioners (??), etc.

And, mind you, I hadn’t disclosed that my person, with whom I’m in this committed, long-term relationship, is a woman.

After some ranting on Facebook and gathering the support of my friends, I wrote a calm, but firm email to the Federation.  Families come in all shapes and sizes – some of us can’t legally marry, while some of us choose not to.  Our families should be respected just the same.  And, is a single/married classification so utterly important to the work of the Federation?

From my work with an incredible organization called