Frustration grows and anger abounds when it feels as if our concerns are unshared by others, especially when we are hurt or emotionally injured and that pain isn’t seen by someone we love.
But the answer isn’t to care less. Just because someone doesn’t understand our worries doesn’t mean our worries are less significant. The challenge is holding onto our opinions, values, and convictions even when they seem belittled or entirely ignored. How do we remain true to ourselves when even those close to us shake our inner confidence?
Pirke Avot 2:4 teaches, “Do not judge a person until you have stood in their place.” Let’s glean another lesson: someone may not understand your story because they have yet to walk in your shoes. Perhaps your loved one doesn’t understand your pain because they haven’t experienced your pain. Instead of letting resentment build, we can reframe our circumstances. They cannot see our hurt because it is a world they have not yet entered.
Is it fair? No. Does it continue to be frustrating? Yes. Does it diminish our beliefs? Absolutely not.
We are on the cusp of the season of mending: Mending relationships and refining our interpersonal connections. May we begin with remembering that each of our roads, stories, and journeys are uniquely our own. Others may be blinded to our pain because they are immersed in their own. In a world that often tells us to care less in order to hurt less, Judaism offers another path: never care less. Instead, care deeply enough to understand another’s story while remaining steadfast in your own.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Nicole Guzik is senior rabbi at Sinai Temple. She can be reached at her Facebook page at Rabbi Nicole Guzik or on Instagram @rabbiguzik. For more writings, visit Rabbi Guzik’s blog section from Sinai Temple’s website.
