Growing up in Los Angeles, Rabbi Karen Bender didn’t have any grandparents around because they were in Israel. So, she ended up “adopting” her friends’ grandparents.
“I had a special affinity and respect for the elderly,” she said.
Today, she works as the chief mission officer for the Los Angeles Jewish Home, a nonprofit that provides senior living and healthcare to the elderly population of LA.
“My day-to-day work is almost like having a congregation that loves our community so much that they live here,” she said. “The average age is 91 years old. I do a lot of pastoral and spiritual care. This is their home and also their shul. We have everything they want and need.”
Though Bender didn’t intentionally work towards her current position, it seems like it’s always been her true calling. When she went to rabbinical school, the applications committee asked her what she would do if she didn’t get in. She said she’d like to work in law, politics or… gerontology.
Still, she didn’t go right into it. After being ordained by the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion in 1994, she served as a congregational rabbi in Great Neck, New York and Tarzana for 20 years.
“I decided I wanted to do something else,” she said. “[Working at the LA Jewish Home] was an unbelievably perfect opportunity.”
Bender is responsible for all of the rabbinic care at the four LA Jewish Home campuses. She supervises the other rabbis and works with staff to provide services to residents.
“One of the most important things we can do is keep morale up, even with all the pressures and challenges people face,” she said. “All of us in leadership make sure our staff know they are appreciated.”
Bender dealt with some serious dilemmas during the pandemic, including how to keep seniors cheerful in the face of loneliness and fear.
At work, Bender dealt with some serious dilemmas during the pandemic, including how to keep seniors cheerful in the face of loneliness and fear. At the worst times, residents, staff and leadership couldn’t gather together as a complete community. Sometimes seniors were isolated if they were exposed to the disease.
“Our seniors thrive the most by learning, sharing, experiencing and celebrating together,” said Bender. “Having to be separated takes a toll on folks.”
To help residents cope with the challenges of COVID, Bender and her staff would gather them together in little pods when it was safe as well as stream content for them. She would also visit one-on-one with people.
“We made sure they weren’t completely cut off,” she said. “We made sure there were people who could visit them.”
Since the seniors are also limited physically, Bender and her staff come up with inventive ways for them to socialize and connect to their Judaism. During Hanukkah, they did an olive oil and balsamic vinaigrette tasting while teaching about the holiday.
“Thinking creatively can be very enhancing in life,” she said. “That’s the focus of Judaism.”
It may be the rabbi’s job to serve the senior population, but it feels like more than work. It’s also incredibly meaningful because of the lessons she learns from the residents.
“There is more wisdom per square inch than you can imagine. They have understanding, patience and humanity. They’re just amazing.”
“I love their wisdom,” Bender said. “There is more wisdom per square inch than you can imagine. They have understanding, patience and humanity. They’re just amazing.”
Among some of the valuable lessons she’s learned? One of the participants in her program said she does five good deeds a day, and she won’t go to sleep unless she’s completed all her deeds. Another said not to take yourself too seriously, and another gave her marriage advice.
“One of our residents said that whenever she felt critical of her husband, she’d walk over to the mirror and say, ‘Are you so perfect?’”
Her favorite piece of wisdom came from a Holocaust survivor, who was in five concentration camps, including Auschwitz.
“She was the most positive, upbeat person,” said Bender. “I told her I didn’t understand how she could be so positive, because people who have been through way less than her complained all day long. I asked her what her secret was. She said, ‘I’d rather have people be jealous of me than feel sorry for me.’”
Along with talking to the residents about their perspectives on life, Bender feels fulfilled when her residents are interacting with programming.
“One of the most exciting things that happens is when people are on the spectrum of dementia and they hear a Jewish melody or even a teaching, they come alive and become animated,” she said. “Memory converges with what’s happening in the moment, and people feel particularly excited and engaged. It happens during classes, Jewish holidays and on Shabbat.”
She’s also grateful to be able to provide a community to the elderly, who may feel alone otherwise.
“Some of the people who live here don’t have family,” she said. “So we are their family.”
No matter what circumstances come her way at her job, Bender said she keeps her ultimate goal in mind.
“I want to bring purpose and meaning and joy and laughter to the lives of everyone that we serve.”
Fast Takes With Karen Bender
Jewish Journal: What’s your favorite Jewish food?
Karen Bender: Latkes. It has to be sour cream, but I respect the applesauce people.
JJ: What activities do you enjoy doing the most with your family?
KB: I love playing guitar and piano and singing with them.
JJ: What song do you like to sing with them?
KB: I love singing Jewish music. “Adama V’shamayim.”
JJ: Where’s your favorite place to visit in Israel?
KB: My heart is always in Jerusalem, but because I love the outdoors, a favorite spot would be river rafting in the Jordan River. I can’t go to my grandparents’ apartment in Tel Aviv anymore, but they were the greatest people ever.
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