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The Upside of Struggling

If I hadn’t struggled so much in my formative adult years, I wouldn’t appreciate what I have today. I see struggle as a good thing. 
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December 8, 2021
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Every time I swipe my debit card, I hold my breath until I see that magic word: “Approved.” 

For years, I never knew if my card was going to get approved whenever I used it at the store. If it got declined, my face would turn flush in the checkout line and I would hurriedly try the other cards in my wallet, hoping one would go through so I could get out of there. As someone who cares deeply what other people – even strangers – think, I was incredibly embarrassed. 

Today, thankfully, I’m in a better position with my finances. And now, I can appreciate when my card works. Or when my car starts, because I’m no longer driving a 1995 Ford Escort with a busted engine. Or how I don’t have to work a part-time job selling high-end doggy sweaters made of real animal fur to rich Manhattanites while making $8 an hour. Or how I don’t have to live with roommates, which my husband and I had to do for the first nine years of our relationship in order to afford our rent. Or, for that matter, how I don’t need to live next to a crack-addicted violent gangster because we couldn’t afford to leave our rent-controlled apartment in Brooklyn. 

I’m not complaining about my past. In fact, I am grateful for everything I’ve been through. If I hadn’t struggled so much in my formative adult years, I wouldn’t appreciate what I have today. I see struggle as a good thing. 

Unfortunately, I believe that many people today will do whatever they can to avoid struggle. They don’t want to experience any pain. Instead, they feel entitled that they should just be able to skip all the hardships and get ahead. 

They think they shouldn’t have to work those terrible minimum wage jobs and climb up the ladder. They shouldn’t have to adapt and change in order to make it work with their partner; if they’re truly meant to be together, they’ll never have their issues. They should be able to still put themselves first, even when they have a kid. 

All of this is unrealistic and harmful thinking.   

Real life is supposed to be full of challenges. It’s what makes us stronger and able to be grateful for what we have.

When you are in the middle of a struggle, it can get dark, lonely and depressing. But when you emerge from it, it’s such a relief. You’ll probably even feel accomplished for getting through those tough times. 

When you are in the middle of a struggle, it can get dark, lonely and depressing. But when you emerge from it, it’s such a relief. You’ll probably even feel accomplished for getting through those tough times. 

These days, I still have my struggles financially. But with so much practice, I’ve learned to handle them much better. When I have a big bill I have to pay and not enough money in the bank, instead of stressing out and worrying, I pray that the money comes in. Like clockwork, I receive a check almost immediately every single time. 

When I got a horrible case of COVID during my first trimester earlier this year, and I was in and out of urgent care multiple times with different health issues, I just kept thinking, “Hey, at least I’ll have the antibodies” and “This is only temporary.” It’s that kind of thinking that got me through such a physically and emotionally distressing time.  

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that everything good in life involves some sort of struggle. Marriage isn’t easy, but it is rewarding. Having a child has its rough moments, but overall it’s wonderful. Being an observant Jew comes with its costs, but the upsides greatly outweigh the downsides. 

When there is something difficult coming your way, I say you should embrace it as a learning opportunity and a test. As a person of faith, I believe everything happens for a reason, and even the bad can be good.

If you can’t change your circumstances, then fight through them. Change your perspective. Know that it’s all for the good, or as we say, gam zu l’tovah.


Kylie Ora Lobell is the Community and Arts Editor at the Jewish Journal.

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