Before I believed in Hashem, I had so many regrets. As a young adult, I’d look back at things that happened in my past and think, “I was so stupid. How could I have done that?” or “Why did things turn out this way?”
I made so many mistakes, and that’s why my life wasn’t where I wanted it to be. Or at least, that’s what I thought. I wasn’t grateful for the present; I couldn’t see any of the blessings I had or the miracles right in front of my eyes.
I was healthy, and I had a roof over my head, food in my belly and money in my bank account. All of my basic necessities were taken care of. Aside from that, I’d survived drowning as a child and a near-fatal car accident when I was a teenager. I spent so much of my life in my head, thinking about the past, that I just couldn’t live in the moment.
Once I started believing in Hashem, not only did I become much more grateful, but I also started living in the present. I accepted where I was at that moment. Everything that led up to it – the mistakes, the senseless things I said, the bad decisions I made – got me to where I was, which was a beautiful place.
I realized I was exactly where I needed to be.
I’ve met so many people who fixate on the past, especially on one thing that went haywire, and they have trouble getting over it. It haunts them. They can’t move on with their life because of it.
I understand completely, since I’ve been there. When you’re in that state of mind, you think, “If I could just go back and change that one thing, I’d be in a much better place. I’d be richer/happier/smarter/etc.” But the truth is that Hashem made everything turn out this way for a reason.
Lost money in the stock market on a bad investment? Perhaps you would have blown those earnings on something that wasn’t good for you. Didn’t get that dream job? Maybe once you started working there, you would have hated it.
Lost money in the stock market on a bad investment? Perhaps you would have blown those earnings on something that wasn’t good for you. Didn’t get that dream job? Maybe once you started working there, you would have hated it. Couldn’t marry your ex? They might have been a horrible match for you.
It may take time to see why things didn’t play out a certain way. You may never figure out the reason. But you could try to come up with some. And even if you can’t, you have to say: Hashem made my life the way it is now, and He knows what’s best.
It’s time to accept what happened to you, look at all the blessings you have and move forward. Instead of regretting decisions you made, turn the lessons you learned into a positive and don’t make the same decisions in the future.
My life now is amazingly blessed – but if I was still in my old state of mind, I wouldn’t be able to see that. I would only see my problems: I don’t own a home! I’m not a size 6! I’m not a bestselling author! It would end up consuming me.
Even on days when things aren’t going as planned, I look at the most basic things in my life that are going well and say, “Hey, I’m breathing. I woke up today. The sun is shining. That’s a wonderful start.”
Life is full of twists and turns – that’s the beauty of it. We can try to plan out our life as best as we can, but if everything turned out exactly right, we’d probably be bored. Plus, we’d assume that we know what is best for us all the time. We do not. It’s our job to try to do what’s best for us according to Hashem’s plan.
I’m so grateful I stopped living in the past and learned to start appreciating the present. If you’re struggling with this, I hope and pray that you will too, and wake up and see just how incredibly blessed you are as well.
Kylie Ora Lobell is the Community Editor of the Jewish Journal. You can find Kylie on X @KylieOraLobell or Instagram @KylieOraWriter.
