Masum Yildiz / EyeEm/Getty Images My first home in California was at a summer camp where I worked as head of drama in 2009. That was where I learned my first American word, “S’mores.” Although I never understood the appeal of roasting Graham crackers, chocolate and marshmallows over an open fire, it is an important custom.
My time at camp was memorable, not least because it was the summer of Swine Flu. It was the first time I had stayed in California for an extended period, and the nearby Santa Monica mountains looked familiar from all those episodes of M*A*S*H, when Los Angeles doubled for South Korea. We didn’t realize that the summer camp would quickly build something resembling a M*A*S*H unit (Mobile Army Surgical Hospital) when many campers came down with swine flu, wrecking their trip to camp. The nurses’ office was overrun with sick children, an old dining room was converted into an infirmary with 100 beds and some parents who had just dropped off their children at the start of camp had to return and take them home again. I then learned my second word in American English: “Purell.”
The last 14 months have been intense for everyone, so perhaps it would be prudent to convert all of America into a Jewish summer camp. Shopping malls can be converted into Israeli dance pavilions, camp staff can drive on freeways in golf buggies and office blocks can turn into climbing walls. Electric power cables can be used as zip wires, peoples’ front yards can become horse riding trails and public sidewalks would make perfect archery ranges.
I heard a true story about a summer camp that was reclaimed by nature due to last year’s coronavirus shutdown. The site operated on its year-round skeleton staff, who tend the grounds, and one person looked after the camp’s horse stables and other animals, which included three goats. The goats were securely surrounded by a steel pen and safe as could be. Except one day a goat went missing. It didn’t make sense. The gate was untouched, the fence untampered, and there was no explanation.
A few days later, a staffer thought of looking at the security camera footage and discovered what happened to the goat. There was a tree next to the pen; a mountain lion climbed the tree, edged along the branch, reached into the goat pen and pulled out its dinner. Phew. The mystery was solved. The summer camp facilities manager could relax! They would fix a grill to the roof of the goat enclosure, relieved that the petting zoo animals would be safe from the carnivorous mountain lion that now resided in the grounds of the summer camp. Problem solved!
It gets even better. As the manager watched the following night’s security camera footage, more animals wanted to join the petting zoo. The mountain lion was joined by her two cubs and two adult lions, a pride of five that calmly walked through the camp. Apart from this popular summer camp being taken over by deadly animals, the grounds would soon be ready for action next summer. The most disturbing thing of all was that the lions were not wearing masks and not socially distanced.
Apart from the camp being taken over by deadly animals, the grounds would soon be ready for action next summer.
The very next day, a maintenance person took matters into his own hands when he saw a mountain lion wandering through the camp in broad daylight. He aimed his rifle and shot it on the first try. He disposed of the body but found a tag in the animal’s ear, so he threw that in a trashcan at home. Within 24 hours a large vehicle with tinted windows showed up outside his house, and two black-suited officers stepped out and arrested him for killing an endangered species. It turned out all of the animals were tagged and micro-chipped. The authorities already knew that the lions had to be reined in, but the unfortunate maintenance guy had to serve one week in jail and got fired, all in the name of wanting to protect the camp.
It’s less than two months until the summer fun begins. Young athletes are clamoring for camp sports, while would-be singers and actors are eagerly awaiting auditions for the camp musical. Maybe this year it’s best to skip performing “The Lion King” and just stick to eating S’mores. Please pass the marshmallows.
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