We can name many things of which we are worried or scared.
Very few of us have the foresight to admit that we might be afraid of ourselves: What we might say or do if placed in a precarious situation where we don’t necessarily trust our own judgment or response.
The Torah explains that Jacob sends messengers ahead of him to meet his brother Esav, a long-awaited reunion with the sibling with whom he’s had a fraught relationship. While one might assume the messengers were sent to take Esav’s temperature, the midrash gives us a different lens. Midrash Rabbah says that Jacob sent messengers ahead both because he was afraid that he would be killed but also because he was afraid that he might kill. Jacob needed a buffer between him and his brother to prevent himself from doing something he might regret.
This teaches us a poignant lesson: To create boundaries and fences not only to protect ourselves from others but to protect others from ourselves. The Torah is our guide to the intricacy of our souls: The goodness we offer and the less righteous qualities we try to improve. In our efforts to repair ourselves, may we learn how to protect those we love in the process.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Nicole Guzik is senior rabbi at Sinai Temple. She can be reached at her Facebook page at Rabbi Nicole Guzik or on Instagram @rabbiguzik. For more writings, visit Rabbi Guzik’s blog section from Sinai Temple’s website.
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