Ahead of Thanksgiving, the Jewish Journal decided it would be worthwhile to reach out to Los Angeles-based faith and community leaders and ask how we can bring civility back to our Thanksgiving celebrations, even when there are people of different political beliefs seated around the table together.
More to the point, we wanted to know: Why is it important that, at least for one evening, we take a break from the heated discourse that so often separates us, and how do we achieve that?
As I set out to work on the assignment, I reached out to Craig Taubman, a musician and founder of the interfaith arts, culture and worship center, Pico Union Project. Every year leading up to the High Holy Days, Craig publishes “Jewels of Elul,” in which he asks smart or deep-thinking friends of his for nuggets of wisdom that can be shared over the holidays. For each day of the Hebrew month of Elul, Craig shares a different “Jewel” with the community.
I asked if he had any “Jewels” to offer in preparation for Thanksgiving.
“Thanksgiving is about more than food—it’s about gratitude, connection, and shared humanity,” Craig said. “In a world often divided by politics and ideologies, this season of giving invites us to reconnect through meaningful conversations.
“Jewish tradition teaches us to ask questions, not seek answers,” he continued. “At your table, spark connection by asking thoughtful questions like, ‘What’s a lesson you’ve learned from someone here?’ or ‘What’s been bringing you joy lately?’ For a playful twist, try, ‘If you could invite anyone from history to this table, who would it be, and what dish do you think they’d bring?’
“By seeing one another with curiosity and compassion, we can create moments of civility, connection, and true Thanksgiving.”
As I reflected on Craig’s response, I realized that “seeing one another with curiosity and compassion” wasn’t just good counsel for how to approach Thanksgiving—it’s also a great way to maintain the connections that are important to us in our daily lives. When you show curiosity about a friend or family member’s life by asking them questions, you’re showing that you care.
Rabbi Yanky Khan, an educator and spiritual leader at Chabad in the Valley, said Jews are well practiced in the tools that make for a successful Thanksgiving, as we put them to the test every week on Shabbat.
“The truth is, every Shabbos, we experience a version of Thanksgiving,” Khan told me. “We gather around the table with family members and guests from diverse backgrounds and differing opinions. Despite these differences, the Lubavitcher Rebbe taught us to recognize that we all share the same essence—the soul—which unites us as one.
“In reality, there is no true separation between us,” Khan said. “We are, and always will be, one family.”
Khan drew a connection between recent current events, involving the tragic death of a Chabad rabbi in the United Arab Emirates in what authorities are describing as an “antisemitic act of terror,” and the importance of the Jewish people treating one another with chesed—loving-kindness.
“Events like this remind us that, whether you are in Dubai, Mumbai, Los Angeles, or Germany, we are one family,” Khan said. “We should set aside our differences and cherish each other.”
Setting aside our differences and cherish each other: As we gather around our Thanksgiving tables this week, it wouldn’t hurt to keep that in mind.
Finally, I posed the question to my mom, who isn’t a rabbi or community leader but has as much wisdom as any if you ask me.
“Setting some ground rules as everyone sits around the table isn’t such a bad idea,” Mom told me. “It can be as simple as someone saying, ‘We’re here for a family Thanksgiving and we’d all prefer it if we didn’t discuss politics tonight.’”
Her suggestion, to quote the great Larry David, was pretty, pretty good.
Happy Thanksgiving.
