Tips On Romance

“Birds do it, Bees do it, even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it — let’s fall in love.”

Romance doesn’t only occur under the covers, on top of them, or in the backseat of a Volkswagen — unless you have gymnastic abilities. I remember hearing about the mile-high club, where people make love in airplane bathrooms. If that were me, I’d need a wheelchair to get off the plane.

I am told dating and meeting a spouse is much more complicated now than when I was on the prowl. When my parents dated, it was even easier. A guy might approach a woman and say, “Hey, Toots, want to go out?”  Then she’d give him the up and down, and if she liked what she saw, she’d say, “Yup.” He would jot down her number, and bingo, four kids. My parents got married at 21. I was 38 when I took the plunge. Why did I wait till 38? Because at 37, I was still six years old.

Now that my wife is semi-retired, we have more time together. Even if I wanted to contact one of my old girlfriends, they are either in senior living homes or comas. So, to sustain a long-term marriage and romance, you must look for other things to do to fill those romantic eight minutes and nine seconds.

We have some elderly friends who offer sage advice: “Do everything you want to do now, or you might regret waiting.”  So, we are planning trips to places we’ve never been to and returning to places we’ve always loved. Because we are not 18, we need to do more than grab a backpack and a few protein bars, fly off to Europe, sit on the steps of the Trevi Fountain, and feed pigeons. We need to plan. 

But not all these trips have to be lengthy and costly. Romance can now be a trip for frozen yogurt where we share a single cup while using separate spoons to prevent the spreading of germs. Recently, we had a night out where we saw two women called The Shevesters, who sing songs in Yiddish. We understood about five words of the songs, but loved every minute of our date night. 

Another day, we drove 45 miles to Balboa Island, California. We walked three miles around the island and had lunch; before heading home, we sat on a bench and shared a frozen banana dipped in chocolate from a local stand.  

On some longer trips, we have visited Europe, Iceland, Hawaii, Panama and its outer islands. We have gone to my old stomping grounds in New York City, and I have shown my wife where I was mugged. We have taken in plays and visited with our kids. We have ridden the Maid of the Mist at Niagara Falls, gone to Cooperstown to the Baseball Museum, and to Jamestown to the Comedy Museum. 

You may not think it is romantic, but on many trips, we tour the places where the Jewish people were either thrown out or murdered. Strangely, it brings us closer together, and isn’t that what romance is supposed to do?  Even visiting the sick may not be romantic, but it could bring you closer.   

You may not think it is romantic, but on many trips, we tour the places where the Jewish people were either thrown out or murdered. Strangely, it brings us closer together, and isn’t that what romance is supposed to do?  

We occasionally go away for Shabbat and stay with friends. Of course, even after 10 trips, we always consider returning to Israel.  

We enjoy walking in our neighborhood, holding hands, and chatting until we get into a fight. Putting out a few bowls of popcorn and watching a movie at home with friends is also one of our favorites.  

Noticing what’s different about your partner and telling them lets them know you are paying attention.  My wife still asks my opinion on a new dress or top. I’ll show her my new boxer shorts and the colored socks I bought. Don’t forget to thank your partner more than you want to. No thank you has ever gone to waste. 

All these things are romantic.

If they don’t work for you, you can step up and suggest fun and romantic things to do. Be ready to go places simply because your partner wants to go there. Also, don’t forget to do your best to keep those eight minutes and nine seconds alive as long as possible.

Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer, and hosts, along with Danny Lobell, the “We Think It’s Funny” podcast. His new book is “Why Not? Lessons on Comedy, Courage and Chutzpah.”