Don’t Let Your Anxiety Consume You

Growing up, I was always anxious. I worried about getting good grades in school, making friends, and looking pretty. 

In my college years, my anxieties ballooned and became much more existential. I was anxious about what I was going to do after graduation, whether I was living up to my potential, and why I was put on this earth. 

I would lie in bed at night, thinking about my worries of the day, the worries of tomorrow, and the worries of my life. 

I was an atheist, with no God to turn to. I didn’t know it at the time, but my lack of connection to a Higher Power was very bad for my soul. Without faith and trust in God, I was held captive by my anxiety. Even when one problem resolved, another would immediately pop up. I could never just relax.  

I finally reached rock bottom my senior year of college. I was failing my prestigious internship at “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” a boy I loved broke my heart, and I was doing so poorly in my class on Middle East politics that I had to drop out. I spent most nights staying up until 4 a.m. crying my eyes out, wondering why I was going through such misery.

I decided to go to therapy, where I learned coping skills like deep breathing techniques. While it would help temporarily, it wasn’t enough. In fact, it wasn’t until I went from being an atheist to a believer later that year – and started my conversion to Judaism – that I truly started seeing a difference when it came to my anxiety. 

In my conversion classes, I learned about emunah and bitachon, faith and trust, in Hashem. I discovered that even when things didn’t seem to be going my way, Hashem had a plan, and I needed to trust that He knew what was best for me.  

In my conversion classes, I learned about emunah and bitachon, faith and trust, in Hashem. I discovered that even when things didn’t seem to be going my way, Hashem had a plan, and I needed to trust that He knew what was best for me. 

I looked back at what had happened right before my breakdown, and I was so grateful things played out the way they did. 

I failed at my internship because the entertainment industry was way too cutthroat for me. 

I was glad that boy left me, because I then met Daniel, my husband and soulmate. 

My Middle East politics professor was anti-Israel, and because of him, I had also become anti-Israel during my time in his class. 

Hashem was saving me from going down the wrong path in so many ways. 

Sometimes in life, we can see why Hashem orchestrated things a certain way – and sometimes we can’t. But it’s up to us to push aside our anxiety and have faith and trust that it’s all part of His plan.

This is a muscle we need to strengthen every single day. It can be incredibly difficult, especially when tragedy strikes. I never want to come off as dismissive or Pollyannaish or tell someone that something horrific was for the best. 

But I’ve been on both sides. I’ve had bad things happen to me when I didn’t believe in Hashem, and bad things happen to me when I did. Let me tell you: It’s much more comforting to have faith. It’s totally fine to be angry at Hashem, to ask questions, to scream, “Why!” up at the heavens. I’ve done that plenty since Oct. 7.

I also believe there is an afterlife and much more than we can see and comprehend. Souls are eternal and Hashem’s love for us is limitless. Knowing these things makes me much less anxious. 

These days, I still worry, but it’s not incessant. I have moments when I get stressed, but I don’t let it ruin my day.

The next time you find yourself feeling anxious, I urge you to say the following: “I know that what you’re doing is for the best, Hashem. Please give me the strength to get through it.”

Then release that worry and move on. Once you know that Hashem is there for you, that He wants you to thrive and succeed in life, then your anxiety won’t be able to consume you anymore.

Kylie Ora Lobell is an award-winning writer and Community Editor of the Jewish Journal. You can find Kylie on X @KylieOraLobell or Instagram @KylieOraWriter.