“Don’t just tell me you mean it. If you mean it, then show me you mean it.”
– My mother and every other mother
“If you love me, you’ll leave me alone to watch the game.”
– My father
In school, we had something called Show and Tell. You brought something into school, showed it to the class, and then told them about it. It wasn’t enough to say you did your homework. You had to show it.
Saying I love you is nice, but showing your love for someone is better.
Calling my parents on Mother’s or Father’s Day was lovely, but writing it on a card, which they would sometimes find months afterward, always brought a smile. When I stumbled on some of the cards I had sent my parents years after they had passed, they filled my heart and reminded me how much I loved them.
Finding a card from my wife telling me how much I mean to her, especially when I think she hates me, goes a long way.
Real love has many lives. Throwing an “I love you” across the room when you’re leaving someone’s home is nice; walking over, looking them in the eyes and hugging them is better.
If you love your family and friends, and they love you, and if you know it, you’re holding a winning lottery ticket. Congratulations, my friend. If I were you, I’d cash in and count your blessings. So many people have an empty bucket of love.
If you love your family and friends, and they love you, and if you know it, you’re holding a winning lottery ticket. Congratulations, my friend. If I were you, I’d cash in and count your blessings. So many people have an empty bucket of love.
You might be wondering where you go to cash in this winning ticket. The truth is, you’re already there. You don’t have to go anywhere. There’s no 7-11 to walk to. There’s no website to check to see if you’ve won. Where you are right now is where you cash in.
Your winning tickets are for your spouse, children, parents, friends, pets and sometimes even relatives. Take them out to dinner. Spend extra time with them. Ask them what you can do without worrying they might have something for you to do.
Few things make me feel better than when I show my love. But like so many of us, I tend to have amnesia regarding how blessed I am. I love my wife, kids and many of my friends. But I can feel the tears welling up as I type this, realizing that, growing up, I wasn’t so lucky. I had no clue how much I loved my parents or how much they loved me.
Recently, while washing my face and looking in the bathroom mirror, I could not believe how much I looked like my mother. I was staring right at her. This realization made me feel a more profound love for her. I realized just how much I embodied her, how much I owed to her, and how much I had always cared about her. I wished I had done more.
Judaism strongly emphasizes “loving your neighbor as yourself” (found in Leviticus 19:18). While verbally expressing “love” to someone isn’t explicitly mandated in Jewish law, the focus is on demonstrating love through actions and kindness. You aren’t required to say, “I love you,” but it can’t hurt.
Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler is often quoted as defining love from a Jewish perspective as “giving without expecting to take.” Thinking about what the other person might like and doing it for them goes a long way.
Recently, we had a guest over for dinner who commented on how much he liked my wife’s pastrami. So, before he left, I made him a giant sandwich to take with him. He was amazed and so grateful.
I bring flowers every week for my wife and personally drop off flowers on friends’ birthdays. I toss the garbage without being asked. I try hard not to pile things on the dining room table because my wife doesn’t like it. I treat guests like royalty.
Recently, I had a medical issue, and when my wife said she would come with me to the doctor (without me asking her), it meant the world to me. She showed her true love.
Words mean something, but actions mean even more. Show your love; don’t say it.
Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer, and hosts, along with Danny Lobell, the “We Think It’s Funny” podcast. His new book is “Why Not? Lessons on Comedy, Courage and Chutzpah.”
