The headline on a medical center newsletter instantly caught my attention. It asked, “How healthy is your relationship with chocolate?” That was an easy one. My relationship with chocolate was solid and secure, though not monogamous, because I share my chocolate. We have quality time together every morning over coffee.
This newsletter didn’t question the health benefits of dark chocolate, now beyond dispute except among health extremists who swear by weekly detox juice fasts. Sane people know that dark chocolate has antioxidants, can lower blood pressure, and releases endorphins. Not even broccoli releases endorphins! This means you can get that runner’s high just by sitting around like I do, with a big mug of java and a few chocolate chip cookies. Let those endorphins do the running for you! Eating chocolate will also ensure you won’t get too skinny. This is a clear health hazard, because hugging a really skinny person can give you splinters. This happened to me once and I had to go to Urgent Care to get the splinters out.
The newsletter asked a good question, though: “Is your relationship with chocolate based on pleasure or guilt?” For many years, I couldn’t stop chipping away at the ice cream or cake (or both) and often crossed that line from pleasure to guilt. Over time, I summoned more self-control and stopped crossing that line. It wasn’t easy, but I got there.
Now that it’s National Chocolate Month, it’s a good time for everyone to make sure their relationship with chocolate is robust and at least 65% pure cacao. Besides, Valentine’s Day is coming up, and while it’s a holiday made up by a priest, plenty of Jewish women will still expect some chocolate expressions of love from the men in their lives. Take it from me: having to face all those elegant, beribboned boxes of chocolates in stores or online advertisements can give a woman high anxiety. Don’t jilt your woman in the truffles department or you might find her OD’d on the couch with a sugar crash, an empty box of nut clusters and 72% dark chocolate squares from Madagascar (“fruity and bold”) on the floor. Don’t be that guy. Instead, go for that shiny gold box of Godivas and hope she’ll share. This is a religious act. Why else are the first three letters of the brand G-O-D?
Europeans are famous for making some of the richest, most luscious chocolates around, but who gave it to them? We did! Jews were among the first chocolate entrepreneurs, even during the Inquisition when we were trying not to get killed, we exported the cacao bean to Europe. In the 16th century, French Jews exported and smuggled chocolate, and by the 17th century, a community of Jewish craftsmen flourished as chocolate makers until the government severely limited their participation in the trade — as usual.
Eighteenth-century Mexican crypto-Jews also imported and produced chocolate, even drinking warm chocolate on Friday night because kosher wine was scarce. And in Colonial America, the chocolate trade was introduced and dominated by two Sephardi Jewish families, the Gomez family in New York and the Lopez family in Rhode Island.
In modern times, Jews and chocolate have gone together like cream cheese and bagels. No self-respecting shul kiddush, simcha, or party of any note would dare omit chocolate on the dessert table. Can you imagine a babka, rugalach, or tray of cookies without the dark, sweet swirl or chocolate chips beckoning? It’s unimaginably depressing.
In modern times, Jews and chocolate have gone together like cream cheese and bagels. No self-respecting shul kiddush, simcha, or party of any note would dare omit chocolate on the dessert table.
If this column activates your sweet tooth and prompts you to reach for some chocolate, I give you my blessing. With all the tsuris we Jews have, we deserve to celebrate National Chocolate Month, not just in February but all year round. So, pour a cup of coffee (tea, if you must) and splurge on a chocolate that’s worth the calories. (I recommend a 70% cacao mint crunch bar, if you like mint, that is.) Then just feel those endorphins lift you for the rest of the day — or at least, the rest of the morning.
Judy Gruen is the author of “Bylines and Blessings,” “The Skeptic and the Rabbi,” and other books. She is also a book editor and writing coach.
