Los Angeles is a place where you can very easily feel like you’re always trying to keep up with the Joneses. People here have nice cars and nicer homes. They wear designer clothes and Rolexes and belong to Equinox. They go on beautiful vacations, which they display in perfect family portraits on Instagram. With all this pressure to be equal to our wealthy peers, coupled with the high costs of housing, gas and food, it may feel like you can never get ahead.
Here in the Jewish community, we aren’t immune to expensive lifestyles. In fact, it’s worse for us. We send our kids to Jewish schools, which cost anywhere from $15,000 to $50,000 per year. “There are scholarships available,” is what you hear if you can’t afford tuition. Even with scholarships, it’s too much. Not to mention, the scholarship kids might feel out of place when their classmates are rolling up to school in Teslas, and their parents drive a 2012 Honda Civic.
Kosher food is pricier than non-kosher food, and housing in a Jewish neighborhood costs much more than in other parts of LA. A friend recently asked why we pay such high rent when we could buy in the Valley. I said, “The Valley? It’s still a million for a home. You got a down payment for me?”
I always jokingly say that I have the answer. I know how to suddenly be able to buy a home and afford kosher food and Jewish school and be able to go on vacations. Wanna hear it?
Have rich parents.
All facetiousness aside, I do have a solution. It’s one that has helped me immensely. Wanna hear it?
Focus on your blessings.
I used to go to people’s houses in Beverlywood and think, “I wish I could buy a gorgeous home of my own.” I’d hear about fancy Pesach vacations people took and get jealous of them. I wanted to be able to eat at Pat’s more than once or twice a year.
Then, one day, I decided I couldn’t worry about other people anymore. It was exhausting. I focused on what I had instead of what I didn’t. Focusing on your blessings is fulfilling and makes you grateful for what you have. Focusing on what you don’t have is an endless black hole that wouldn’t be filled even if you had all the riches in the world.
Whenever I want to feel blessed, I look back at my past. Ten years ago, I lived in a small railroad apartment in Brooklyn next to a violent, crack-addicted neighbor and I rarely had more than $100 in my bank account. I was constantly worried about how I’d pay for my next meal.
Today, thank God, I don’t have that problem, because I’ve worked hard and am endlessly grateful. I can pay for all my basic expenses and then some. In one word, I am blessed.
When you’re surrounded by exorbitant wealth – and rich people are celebrated simply for being rich in our society, and even in our community – it can get you down. But fixating on this is not going to uplift you; it’ll just make you feel worse. Trust me, because I’ve been there.
I am grateful for what I have, from the air I breathe to the 2012 Honda Civic in my driveway, to the one time of year on my birthday when I get to go to Pat’s and order my favorite burger in town.
I don’t feel like I’m behind anymore or that I have less than others, or that I am less than others. By focusing on my blessings, I have everything in the world I could ever need.
Kylie Ora Lobell is the Community and Arts Editor of the Jewish Journal.
