A Bisl Torah – Closure

Whether it is mourning the end of a relationship, grieving a loss, or ruminating over a fissure in a professional or personal journey, we often seek a sense of closure. A meaningful ending to something that held significant meaning. A holy goodbye to a part of our path that has sometimes abruptly, ended without warning.

Pauline Bliss, author of “The Myth of Closure: Ambiguous Loss in a Time of Pandemic and Change” writes, “In relation to loss, closure means termination, finality, something finished. It implies a clear and absolute ending.” However, the author explains that not everyone seeks closure as a means of ending. When people die, we need not end the relationship. When a journey finishes, there is still room to reflect and learn from both roads traveled and avoided. Perhaps, closure is less about ending and more about granting permission. Permission to hold space for what has transpired and also, permission to make new space for what will come next.

Shemot Rabbah offers the following rabbinic parable:

A father gives away his only daughter in marriage. The father says to his daughter, “I cannot ask you to stay, but please, wherever you live, build an extra room for me, so that there is room for me as well.”

The midrash offers an answer to the closure we may seek. An ability to move with the past, holding our memories and emotions and still, creating room for the new. Closure need not mean ending. In fact, sometimes, closure is an invitation to continue, honoring what was and ensuring there is room for what might be.

Shabbat Shalom