Our son’s Bar Mitzvah is around the corner. Many reflect about children’s additional responsibilities as they take on their new title. And while my son has done much reflecting over the past few months, I’m doing a lot of reflecting myself.
Maimonides in the Mishneh Torah reveals a surprising parenting lesson. He explains that as a child honors their mother and father, we must be careful about the heavy burdens we place upon them. He continues that we should even forgo our own honor; we should ignore any slights if honoring us requires obstacles placed before our children. Here he cites Leviticus 19:14, “Do not place a stumbling block in front of the blind.”
I don’t think Maimonides was asking our children to avoid challenges or constructive opportunities. Here I believe he is speaking to adults, parents with impossible expectations. Children are not the receptacle of our own unfinished dreams. They aren’t the table upon which we set our guilt. Stumbling blocks we might consciously or unconsciously place before them—our anger, misguided directions for their lives, our disappointments—not with them, but with ourselves.
It’s a lesson in parenting right before this huge milestone in our family’s journey. A lesson for all of us. May our children thrive, growing through both their successes and failures. But our successes and failures shouldn’t be what causes our children to go off track. They have enough to worry about—let’s own our stumbling blocks. Our kids need our guiding light, not our angst, anger, or guilt to pave their path.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Nicole Guzik is senior rabbi at Sinai Temple. She can be reached at her Facebook page at Rabbi Nicole Guzik or on Instagram @rabbiguzik. For more writings, visit Rabbi Guzik’s blog section from Sinai Temple’s website.
