fbpx
[additional-authors]
May 16, 2011

As I looked at pictures of Angelina Jolie’s tattoos, I couldn’t help but want to get some more of my own.  The longitude and latitude ink of her childrens’ bithplaces looks so neat on her arm.  But not wanting to be a copy cat, I thought of putting actual names of cities where my kids were born.  I started to write out Laguna Hills, California in a really neat font.  Somehow Orange County just doesn’t have the same ring to, oh let’s say Namibia, Africa or Cambodia, Vietnam.  Maybe if I make it ITALIC?  Nope, still looks stupid.  How about BOLD, ITALIC and in RUSSIAN?  Nope, can’t really spell out Laguna Hills in Russian.  And it still looks idiotic, almost as bad as a dolphin tattoo on a blond bimbo’s ankle.

Why oh why couldn’t I had my children in a foreign and dangerous place?  Why couldn’t I orchestrated and calculated such cool far-away places with neat sounding names, for some awesome looking tats later?  Darn it, I just wasn’t thinking.  Would it have killed me to get on a plane to Ethiopia a week before I was due, and have my baby in a jungle?  Sure it would, but think about how cool my tattoos would have been!  I could’ve picked up a couple orphans while I was at it too.  Sure I don’t have the millions that she does, but she swears she doesn’t have a Nanny or help of any kind for her fifteen children, just her and Brad!  Not only would I have gained a baby daughter, but again think of all the cool longitude and latitude I could put on my back!

In conclusion, adopting kids from far away lands makes for some awesome body art!

Did you enjoy this article?
You'll love our roundtable.

Editor's Picks

A Night of Gratitude Honoring Dennis Prager

Latest Articles

Rosner’s Domain: Weeks of Known Unknowns

So here we are, stuck with just a few bad options to consider. And that’s just the political superposition of undetermined future – alongside it there’s also the possible – probable? – war with Iran.

After the Last Out, Collect a Different Kind of Card

At a time when Jewish education is competing for attention in a world dominated by screens, sports, short-form videos and endless streams of content, these easily collectable cards offer a different kind of engagement.

6 Jewish Takeaways from the Midterm Elections

There is little chance that the combination of a weakened Trump and an emboldened Democratic Congress produces similar levels of support for aggressive action against Iran and its proxies, and other policies that a wide spectrum of Israelis see as crucial to their security.

Israel Drives Them Crazy

In the diaspora and in Israel, we cannot turn back the clock and undo the harm that was done to us. But we can shape our own future. Israel is strong and resolute. So must we be.

Torah Portion: Chayei Sarah

The Torah offers a comforting view of a life beyond this life. We aren’t told what it will be exactly — yes, it’s abstract and vague — but we are told it’s waiting for us as it was for Abraham.

Hatred Opened the Door. A Missed Victory Held It Open.

For me, the disaster isn’t that Democrats won or Republicans lost. It’s that politicians who demonize Israel, deny Jewish self-determination and explain away antisemitism are finding an increasingly receptive electorate in the world’s most important democracy.

The Jewish Dilemma

The central issue is not whether Jewish voters should support Democrats or Republicans. It is whether either party can demonstrate that Jewish security, Jewish identity and Jewish self-determination are compatible with its broader political agenda.

More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.