Today is Tu B’av (the 15th day of the Hebrew month of Av), also known as the “Jewish Valentine’s Day.” According to the Talmud, Tu B’Av celebrates love and the unity of the Jewish people because it was on this day thousands of years ago that the various tribes of Israel were finally permitted to marry one another. In biblical times, one had to wed within one’s own tribe to ensure that landholdings remained consistent. But at some point in our people’s past, this custom was set aside and we were allowed to marry from any tribe of Israel. Tu B’Av is a celebration then of Jewish unity, of Jewish Peoplehood. We have a shared history and a common destiny that should be celebrated.
Coincidentally, today also marks the fifth anniversary of a frightening and stark reminder of one of the painful ways we Jews are connected: the “Unite the Right” Rally in Charlottesville, Va. I wrote to you about that terrible moment in our nation’s history just a few days after we witnessed with horror the images of neo-Nazis chanting “Jews will not replace us.” Sadly, we sometimes feel most unified and most connected in the face of a common enemy. We have seen, unfortunately but perhaps not surprisingly, an uptick in antisemitism and anti-Israel rhetoric since that time. Despite our hopes and prayers for a more loving, compassionate world where all forms of hatred and xenophobia are but a distant memory, we seem farther away from this goal than ever.
Here’s a teaching from our tradition that can help us move closer to the type of unity that Tu B’Av imagines, if not for the entire world, then at least for our own Jewish family.
At the very heart of our Torah is the commandment: “Love your fellow as yourself, I am the ETERNAL” (Leviticus 19:18). One commentator, Rabbi David of Mikuluv (1864-1936) teaches: “If you love your fellow Jews and regard them ‘as yourself,’ they stand with you on an equal level. You are not above them or greater than them in your attributes and qualities. Rather, they stand right beside you, with you, one next to the other in a row. Two yehudim (Jews) together like this, whose love is pure and egalitarian, among them dwells the ETERNAL (God’s name, sometimes spelled as two yuds).”
I want to suggest two important takeaways from this lesson. First: We can only truly love others when we value them fully and unconditionally, seeing them—despite flaws or differences—as creatures imbued by the Divine with inherent dignity and worth. Second: We become aware of God’s presence in our world when we build loving relationships based on this core principle.
Some might argue that while this approach might lead to a greater sense of Jewish unity, it could also result in a sense of Jewish superiority that would lead us to believe that we are somehow better than non-Jews, superior in some essential way.
It is indeed through the experience of a loving Jewish community that one becomes more capable of building loving relationships beyond Jewish community.
I don’t see it like that. Instead, my own experience is that being a part of a loving, egalitarian community built on empathy and mutual respect leads one to behave in more compassionate ways with others whom one encounters in the broader world. None of this is mutually exclusive. It is possible to love one’s own family and one’s own people and still have room in one’s heart for loving relationships with others. I would take this one step further: Not only can we love our fellow Jews as well as others; it is indeed through the experience of a loving Jewish community that one becomes more capable of building loving relationships beyond Jewish community.
The hope and promise of Tu B’Av is that in time, with hard work, resilience and a commitment to understanding and valuing others more fully, we can transcend that which divides us and achieve a sense of unity that will enable us to build what Psalm 89 calls Olam Chesed, a world of love sustained by God’s unending love.
Rabbi Yoshi Zweiback is the Senior Rabbi of Stephen Wise Temple in Los Angeles, California.
