Emily Feit and her husband longed for children, but having them wasn’t so simple. It took many rounds of IVF and surrogacy until eventually, they had their first child. They ended up having two more children after that thanks to IVF and surrogacy, and they’re overjoyed to be parents. Now, Feit is sharing their story with the world with her new children’s picture book, “Before We Held You In Our Arms.”
Feit, a licensed clinical social worker in Los Angeles, published her book in early February. It’s about a couple – based on her and her husband – who struggle to have a child and the yearning they feel along the way. “This book is my story,” she said. “It’s an authentic and very personal piece of work.”
For Feit, discovering she was infertile was a significant life event that still impacts her, even though she isn’t actively dealing with it anymore. With her book, she said, “it’s important to educate, to destigmatize, to help others who may not be directly suffering with it be more empathetic, and also to break down some of the misconceptions that people have.”
Additionally, “Before We Held You In Our Arms” provides a way to start the conversation between parent and child “about how much the child was desired before they were born,” Feit said. “It serves as an entry point to discuss the feelings that go along with struggling to become pregnant.”
After going through their own fertility challenges, in 2013 the Feits established Feit 4 KidZ Fertility Loan Fund, an interest-free loan program of the Jewish Free Loan Association, to help in alleviating the financial burden of in-vitro fertilization. The K and Z in “KidZ” stands for their twins Kara and Zachary, and the fund gives interest free loans of up to $20,000 for residents of Southern California for IVF and other fertility treatments.
To date, the loan fund has given out more than $4.5 million. More than 66 babies have been born as a result of this fund, and there are more on the way. To give back, a portion of proceeds from the sales of “Before We Held You in Our Arms” will benefit Feit 4 KidZ.
“My husband and I made a promise that once we had succeeded in becoming parents, we would do all that we could to help other couples or individuals.”
– Emily Feit
“After years of struggling to conceive, my husband and I made a promise that once we had succeeded in becoming parents, we would do all that we could to help other couples or individuals,” Feit said. “For us, we didn’t want the financial cost to be the sole reason someone had to give up on their dreams.”
Along with discussing infertility in a relatable way, Feit hopes to dispel misconceptions about infertility. For example, some people believe that if they can’t afford costly infertility treatments like IVF, then they should stop trying.
“There are many steps and examinations that can happen before IVF is decided upon, and that’s a decision that you and your provider make together,” she said. “If IVF is what is needed in the end, there are options — many loans and grants do exist and there are many organizations that can help you including Feit 4 KidZ.”
“Before We Held You In Our Arms” is all about reflecting on what it took to build the Feit family while being grateful for all their blessings. “Be proud of the journey you took to have your family,” Feit said. “I know I am. It may have been arduous, stressful and painful, but as the book says, my kids were worth the wait.”
