fbpx
[additional-authors]
February 13, 2026

I wake in the night—yes, the middle of night,

When the moon’s still on duty and stars are on site.

My alarm clock goes BEEP! far too early to cheer,

“Radiation time!” says the clock with a sneer.

I shuffle and wobble and mumble and yawn,

While sensible people are still fully gone.

The sun’s not awake, the birds haven’t checked in,

But off I must go for my zap-zap-zap spin.

Now first comes the pressure—oh yes, there is that:

“You must poop,” says the rulebook. Imagine that chat.

I’m barely awake, my eyes glued with sleep,

Yet my colon’s expected to perform on a beep.

Then fill up the bladder—oh fill it just right!

Not too much, not too little, just hold it real tight.

I’m a human balloon, I’m a walking water tower,

I’m a dam with emotions and sixty-four ounces of power.

I lie on the table, quite still as can be,

While machines hum around me like bees near a tree.

They buzz and they whirr and they circle and gleam—

And wouldn’t you know it? I’m starting to gleam.

I glow! Yes I glow! Like a radioactive gnome!

Like a night-light-ish hero who forgot to go home.

You might say, “Good heavens!” or “Is that a new trick?”

Nope—just science and courage and zap-zap-zap—click.

Now hormones, dear hormones, have joined in the fun,

They’ve shuffled the script and rewritten the run.

So my pronouns, you see, have expanded their realm:

Today I’m a they, and I’m owning the helm.

They who are brave.

They who persist.

They who show up even half-conscious and pissed.

(At the alarm, not the people—just clearing that up,

I’m grumpy but grateful and sipping my cup.)

And here’s the best part, the truest by far,

The reason I shine brighter than radiation ever are:

I’m wrapped up in love—oh a spectacular heap!

From family and friends who refuse to retreat.

My community cheers me, they text and they call,

They show up with meals and with jokes and with gall.

They hold me in laughter, in kindness, in care—

So much love that even my bladder says, “Fair.”

So zap me and scan me and wake me too soon,

I’ll glow like a lighthouse, a very full moon.

With poop planned ahead and a bladder on swell,

I’m held by my people—and honestly? That’s what heals.

Did you enjoy this article?
You'll love our roundtable.

Editor's Picks

Latest Articles

The Sweet Song of Survival

There is a second form of sacred survival: to survive as a nation. And that too takes precedence over everything.

Print Issue: Iran | March 5, 2026

Success in the war against Iran – which every American and Israeli should hope for – will only strengthen the tendency of both leaders to highlight their dominant personalities as the state axis, at the expense of the boring institutions that serve them.

In a Pickle– A Turshi Recipe

Tangy, bright and filled with irresistible umami flavor, turshi is the perfect complement to burgers, kebabs and chicken, as well as the perfect foil for eggs and salads.

Who Knows?

When future generations tell your story and mine, which parts will look obvious in hindsight? What opportunities will we have leveraged — and decisions made — that define our legacy?

You Heard It Here First, Folks!

For over half a decade, I had seen how the slow drip of antisemitism, carefully enveloped in the language of social justice and human rights, had steadily poisoned people whom I had previously considered perfectly reasonable.

More news and opinions than at a Shabbat dinner, right in your inbox.