We are approaching Elul, the formal period in the Jewish calendar devoted to repentance and repair of the heart. There are different iterations of Rabbi Levi Yitzhak of Berditchev’s relationship to change. One story shares that Rabbi Levi Yitzhak would make a list of all his mistakes and shortcomings over the 40 days of Elul. And as his list grew and grew, his tears would flow. Drop by drop, tears smudged his writing and eventually, his reflected errors were indiscernible to anyone else. In a way, through his heart and through his tears, Rabbi Levi began his Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur with a “blank” list and a “cleaner” slate.
And yet, I would argue that his list wasn’t completely clean. Although the words were smudged, Rabbi Levi knew what was on the list. Perhaps his mistakes were the same as the year before. Maybe some of them were new. His soulful slate was wiped by his emotional turmoil and yet, the dust of his ways remained as a permanent imprint. Think about the dust that built up over time—something must have lingered year after year. His actions give perspective towards sincere goals of our own accounting of the soul. Real mistakes may never be fully wiped out, but instead, we can continue to wrestle with our thoughts and actions. Perhaps our intentions should be less about being “perfect” and more about reaching higher and doing better.
Do your soulful accounting. Make your list of mistakes and errors. Rectify and repair relationships and refine speech and reactions. Let your repentance be personally moving and inspiring for continued change.
Remember, the goal was never to achieve a fully clean slate. That is impossible.
Instead, keep confronting where and when we must progress. As our soul repairs, that is when we know we are making the most of this precious life we are given.
Shabbat Shalom
