The Holiday We Need Right Now

The holiday of Tu B’Av (the 15th of Av) should have been forgotten long ago. It is first mentioned in Megillat Ta’anit, a lengthy list of 35 minor holidays that were celebrated during the Second Temple; Tu B’Av was initially a holiday of the wood offering. Megillat Ta’anit explains that the Temple was rebuilt in 516 BCE, the communal leadership realized they would quickly run out of firewood for the altar. So they instituted that on the 15th of Av everyone should come to the Temple and donate wood. And so it was; on Tu B’Av people came to Jerusalem from every tribe and social class to bring the wood offering and take part in communal celebrations.

After the destruction of the Second Temple, all the holidays of Megillat Ta’anit were canceled and forgotten. Except for Tu B’Av.

This is puzzling. Tu B’Av in particular should have disappeared. After the destruction, it was just a painful reminder of what had been lost.

But one aspect of the Tu B’Av’s celebrations proved to be timeless. The Mishna explains that Tu B’Av was one of the two most joyous days on the Jewish calendar, a day when “the daughters of Jerusalem would go out and dance in the vineyards,” calling out to potential suitors to consider them as wives.

A singles celebration like this would not easily be forgotten, even if the reason for it had disappeared.

But the story of Tu B’Av doesn’t end there. The Talmud offers a dramatic reinterpretation of Tu B’Av, and attaches it to five minor historical events. One explanation is that the 15th of Av is the day when the biblical prohibition for women from one tribe to marry into another tribe expired.

Another says it was the day when the Tribe of Benjamin was once again allowed to marry with the rest of Israel; after the civil war over the “Concubine of Gibeah,” the Benjaminites had been banished from Israel.

A third explanation is that it was the day when the generation of the desert, which was decreed to die before entering the land, stopped dying.

A fourth explanation relates to the sentries that Jeroboam, the King of the Northern Kingdom of Israel had placed to prevent his subjects from visiting the Temple in Jerusalem; on the 15th of Av, his successor Hosea removed those sentries.

A fifth explanation relates to the Bar Kochva rebellion; after defeating the Jewish army, the Romans refused to allow the burial of the fallen soldiers. On the 15th of Av, they finally did.

This is a very curious list of explanations; they are merely instances when a bad situation becomes less bad. That seems like a poor reason for a holiday. Celebrations are meant for joyous events, not just for mediocre moments of “less bad.” What does the Talmud intend to convey with this list?

The key to understanding Tu B’Av lies in its proximity to Tisha B’Av. If a Shiva, the seven days of mourning, were to begin on Tisha B’Av, it would end on Tu B’Av. This informs the Talmud’s approach. Much like the end of a Shiva, these minor events mark the moment when one can move beyond the mourning and start anew. And that is exactly what Tu B’Av is about. It is the counter-Tisha B’Av, a national day of consolation.

It is in the celebration of marriage that Tu B’Av offers its most important lesson of consolation. On a practical level, marriage allows the community to rebuild, with more families and more children. The Talmud remarks that every Jewish wedding is the equivalent of restoring one of the ruins of Jerusalem, because each Jewish marriage is another step on the road to redemption.

But the lesson of Tu B’Av goes beyond that.

True consolation is intertwined with resilience, the ability to bounce back from the present and build a better future. Marriage enables one to do that. Two are always better than one at any task; and if the two love each other, they can achieve remarkable things. The key to resilience is to love others and to be loved by others.

A few weeks ago a wedding took place in Israel. Ben Binyamin and Gali Segal walked down the aisle on their own, and that in and of itself was a miracle. They had gone to the Nova Festival as an engaged couple; and while fleeing from the festival, a grenade thrown into their vehicle blew off both of their right legs.

The rehabilitation was incredibly difficult, and both fell into depression. Ben was a professional soccer player, who lost, as he put it “the essence of who he was.” Gali worried that she might never have children.

But they stuck together, and that made them stronger. Gali explained that “despite all the difficulties, we are a strong couple. The fact that we are going through this together is incredible.” Ben spoke about how “There’s a huge advantage in going through this together…It’s immensely comforting for me on an emotional level. Having the woman I love most by my side all the time, I feel she understands me best. Just as I understand her pains, her struggles, and her frustrations.”

Throughout the rehabilitation, they encouraged each other and cared for each other. They kept pushing themselves, and were determined to walk down the aisle for their wedding.

And they did.

Love makes us stronger; and that is equally true of couples and countries. Just a few short days after Tisha B’Av, the rabbis instituted a new-old holiday that prods us to heal the disagreements of the past. Perhaps once there were separations between tribes and divisions between kingdoms; but on Tu B’Av, those ended.

The distance between destruction and redemption is measured in love; and without unity, there is no future.

Tu B’av is the holiday we need right now. After nine months of grief, there are many questions: Where does one find resilience, where does one find hope?

Tu B’Av offers a simple answer. If we can heal the divisions tearing our community apart, if we can find a way to love each other, then we will find the way.

Rabbi Chaim Steinmetz is the Senior Rabbi of Congregation Kehilath Jeshurun in New York.