The Curse of Aging: When Time Becomes an Enemy

I had a chilling thought recently while visiting a 92-year-old man who has trouble walking and spends most of the day sitting on a couch.

I wondered: How does it feel to wake up every morning when all you can look forward to is sitting on a couch?

There are many elderly people who still lead vigorous lives, filling their days with interesting activities that make them feel alive. Those are the ones who look forward to waking up in the morning.

But what about those who simply don’t have that much to do? Whose health is failing them and who get little satisfaction from television or the internet? Who get only a few visitors a week? Who have to settle for the occasional phone call to stay in touch with those they love?

What happens, in other words, when time becomes a kind of burden, even an enemy? When you see long hours ahead of you and what you see mostly is boredom and emptiness, while your memory reminds you of chapters in your life when time meant living life to its fullest?

We’re conditioned as human beings to value one thing above all: time. We have a limited amount of time on this earth, we’re constantly reminded, so we might as well make the most of it. Time is supposed to be our good friend, our number one ally.

Meaningful human contact is the ultimate filler of time. We’re not made to be alone. Spending real, in-person time with people who mean the most to us, people who we can share memories and laughter and stories with, turns time into a friend.

If I spend my time writing a column that will move people, or having productive meetings for my profession, or going food shopping with my mother, or watching a new documentary on Leonard Cohen, or catching up with an old friend, or discovering a great new book, or listening to an inspirational lecture, or going on long walks, and so on and so on, that is using time the standard way: as a friend.

Most people I know approach life with the same question: How do I fill my days in the best possible way? Some days will be more interesting and productive than others, but rarely will one wake up in the morning and say, “Oh no, not another day in front of me!”

But many people do, and it’s not just the elderly.

If there is more pain than pleasure in your life; if you’re down and see no hope for a better future; if you’re simply bored by life and find little that stimulates you; if you feel isolated and lonely — that is when time is no longer your friend, when it has become a burden.

Meaningful human contact is the ultimate filler of time. We’re not made to be alone. Spending real, in-person time with people who mean the most to us, people who we can share memories and laughter and stories with, turns time into a friend.

One thing I have found that can keep people feeling alive is to develop a taste for new ideas.

But especially in these days of continued isolation, real human contact is not always easy to come by. As a fallback, one thing I have found that can keep people feeling alive is to develop a taste for new ideas. Ideas that nurture your curiosity and provoke thought have tremendous value by themselves. It doesn’t matter if they’re not practical or won’t fulfill any agendas. Discovering new ideas, even things like new music or new art, is a kind of renewable human energy.

Even if our physical condition is weak, conditioning our minds can transform our lives. If we think about new ideas that stimulate us, about things that bring us pleasure, and even hope and gratitude, then time can become our friend.

After my visit with the 92-year-old, I got the idea to do something I’ve never done before: write about time. And as I wrote, time became my friend.