The Torah portion Jews read last Shabbat, Yitro, contains one of two iterations of the Ten Commandments. Last Saturday, as I read this section, and specifically the 10th commandment, something occurred to me that I had never thought of the countless times I have read this text. According to the Etz Hayim translation, this commandment reads: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female slave, or his ox or his ass, or anything that is your neighbor’s.”
Upon reading this language, my initial thought, as always, centered on the male-oriented text which by this point in my life, I simply take as a given for our sacred scripture. Next, as in the past, I briefly contemplated the items the Torah enumerates as potential sources of jealousy, reflecting on how the categories of spouses and homes still are so very relevant.
But then, a new insight popped into my head. I was struck by the reality that this commandment, even though couched in some outdated language and applications, embodies a timeless truth with particular relevance to the 21st century: envy is a completely unproductive, and even self-destructive, emotion.
The commentary to this passage in the Chumash I use offers a couple insights. One observation notes that proscribing feelings is inconsistent with the Torah’s general pattern reflecting an emphasis on behavior. Another view suggests that although controlling our emotions may be difficult, we can never excuse bad behavior by claiming that our emotions prompted poor choices.
The beauty of Jewish tradition generally, and the wisdom of the Torah in particular, is that its evergreen approach to life enables people living in all times and places to learn and benefit from its insights. As for this commandment specifically, I read it as a personal challenge to replace envy with more productive choices. The Torah does not enumerate on the nature of these choices, leaving the commentary to others as is so often the case.
I believe the two most productive choices in this context are learning to be content with your lot in life, and engaging in proactive measures that facilitate achieving what you feel is missing. For most people, I suspect this is not a uniform “either-or” choice across the board. We all have aspects of our lives in which we are, or have the potential to be, content, and other areas where we will always wish and hope for more. But I see the Torah’s message here as very clear: envy is a poison that not only consumes people, but also prevents them from making more positive choices that could improve their overall well-being.
Years ago, I had a close friend who struggled with alcoholism, and she eventually lost her battle. During that time, I became familiar with the Alcoholics Anonymous Serenity Prayer, which contains a message embodying my interpretation of the 10th commandment. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
With respect to matters that are in our power to change, we should direct our efforts toward taking affirmative steps that can help us achieve more of our life goals rather than focusing on what others have that we lack. As for those things we cannot change, we need to focus on acceptance. All too often, though, people turn to envy in both instances. Underlying the Torah’s message in the 10th commandment is the idea that envy is unproductive as well as harmful to ourselves, and potentially to others.
The Torah’s wisdom here can go a long way toward making a positive difference in our lives. Unfortunately, although social media has many benefits, one of its greatest downsides is that it often encourages envy. Today, it is so easy for people to flout their possessions and achievements in an unprecedented highly visible manner. This reality makes it so much more difficult for all of us to focus on the Torah’s timeless message embodied in the 10th commandment: human beings have been endowed with the affirmative ability to control both our thoughts and actions.
Roberta Rosenthal Kwall is a law professor, author, and Jewish educator with a focus on American Judaism. Her latest book is “Polarized: Why American Jews are Divided and What to do About It” (October, 2026, Bloomsbury Press).
