You’re Doing Great

Once again, it’s midnight, and I’m on my phone, mindlessly scrolling through social media. I see videos of beautiful moms making delicious homemade meals, wealthy fashionistas showing off their expensive clothing and families posting about their fabulous trips to luxurious destinations.

I think: Wow, what exciting, fun, happy lives they have. Part of me wishes I could have exactly what they do. I then feel a mixture of envy, sadness and loneliness.

But I stop myself. I put down my phone, turn off my bedroom light and lay in bed, thinking about all my blessings. When I say the Shema and talk to Hashem about everything I’m grateful for that day – even if it wasn’t a particularly fulfilling day – I realize, once again, just how good I have it.

I also realize how social media slowly chips away at this happiness, and this curated reality makes me constantly feel like I’m lacking.

In my stronger moments, I am aware that social media is not real, and there are stark reminders of this popping up all the time in the news. Sadly, a Jewish father and husband took his own life recently because he was in debt and likely felt trapped and couldn’t bear to face it. Meanwhile, he and his wife were showing off their seemingly magnificent lives on social media, where they looked like the perfect family. They had all the newest and fashionable items, owned several homes and socialized with society’s elites. And yet, festering beneath it all, there was this darkness, this hidden secret that no one could have predicted. The news reports suggested that his wife may not have known about it, either.

There are many horror stories surrounding social media. The common theme is that something was very wrong, and despite that, everything looked perfectly fine on the outside. Often, these influencers’ followers ate it up and were stunned when the truth came out.

I can relate. All my life, I’ve had a problem with comparing myself to others. When I was a teenager, sitting alone at home on a Saturday because my parents were working and my sisters were busy, I thought: What are my friends and classmates doing right now? I bet they’re having so much fun. I’m such a loser, sitting here all by myself.

But if I had seen into their homes, I would have likely gotten a much different story. Sure, some would have kept busy. But some could have also been sitting alone, wishing they had a friend like me to hang out with. Perhaps others were dealing with family issues or being dragged to activities they had no interest in.

I put everyone else on a pedestal and didn’t once think that I should be grateful. Instead of seeing the bright side of my situation – I was safe, I had a family and there were lots of things I could do at home – I fixated on the negative.

I’m so glad I didn’t grow up with social media, because as a vulnerable teen who already had depression and anxiety, I would have felt so much worse seeing my peers on Instagram and TikTok. I would not have had the wherewithal to distinguish between what’s fake and what’s real. I may have felt defeated ad collapsed under pressure, like so many people do these days.

If you find yourself envying others, or feeling bad after you scroll, here’s a tip: Limit your time on social media. Find a new hobby, even if it’s still on your phone. Download Duolingo or play Words with Friends. Watch YouTube videos to learn a skill. And if you have to go on social media, do it sparingly. Don’t mindlessly scroll. When Shabbat hits, don’t check your phone until nightfall on Saturday, when Shabbat is over. Give yourself a break.

Social media will try to convince you otherwise, but here’s the thing: You’re doing great. The fact that you are alive and reading this means you are so blessed already.

If you have a roof over your head, food in your fridge and people who love you, you have plenty to be thankful for – and that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

Social media be damned! Life is good.

Kylie Ora Lobell is an award-winning writer and community editor of the Jewish Journal. Follow her on X @kylieoralobell or Instagram @kylieorawriter.