When I arrived in California as a child in the 1990s, I loved learning that it was known as “The Golden State.” Sure enough, there was an air of growth, renewal and metaphoric (as well as literal) sunshine that was palpable. And once I learned the meaning of the California state motto, “Eureka!” I adopted this word on a personal level because I, too, felt I had “found it” and struck gold by having been resettled in such a beautiful state.
For the record, the ancient Greek scientist, Archimedes, is said to have shouted “Eureka!” after discovering principles related to an object’s weight in water. He arrived at the “Archimedes Principle” while bathing, which explains why legend has it that he ran naked through the streets of Syracuse, shouting, “I have it!”
Speaking of naked men shouting in the streets, California sure seems to have changed in the last few years.
Some of the most iconic cities in my beloved state have become increasingly synonymous with raging crime, poverty, homelessness, drug use and corruption. Some days, it seems that The Golden State has lost its luster, and foolish politicians and harmful activists are the ones holding the abrasive cleaners.
Recently, I met a couple who told me they had “had it with California” and were leaving the state. I nodded my head and said that many of my friends, most of them who were born in Los Angeles and always called it home, have since moved out of state because they feel California has lost control. Then, I asked the couple where they were headed. They happily responded, “Portland.” My puzzled face and utter silence made for an awkward moment, as I contemplated the violence and lawlessness in Portland in the last few years. The couple then explained that most of their relatives live in Portland and they want to be closer to them.
This time of year is rife for heartfelt prayers, and in contemplating this week’s column, I wondered what I could add to the undoubtedly powerful words that so many Jewish writers will share about this special time. Consider the following an extension of “California Dreamin’, ” to now also include “California Prayin’.”
This time of year is rife for heartfelt prayers, and in contemplating this week’s column, I wondered what I could add to the undoubtedly powerful words that so many Jewish writers will share about this special time. I asked myself whether I had any powerful (or at least, original) thoughts to share about this awe-inspiring month.
And then, like Archimedes, inspiration found me: I went for a walk in West LA and saw a half-naked man urinating on the stump of a lush palm tree. That’s when I knew that my next column would be dedicated to creating a series of prayers for those of us who live in my still-beloved, but increasingly deteriorating California. Consider the following an extension of “California Dreamin’,” to now also include “California Prayin’.”
A Prayer for Moving to California
Please, G-d, don’t let this be the worst mistake of my life. Please fulfill everything Hollywood and popular culture have ever promised to those who move to this state, including rollerblading down spotless streets in Venice Beach, driving on the Pacific Coast Highway, which is northwest, right after having arrived at LAX airport, which is southeast (seems a little odd), and surfing in the Pacific Ocean in February. The Pacific Ocean has warm, temperate waters, doesn’t it?
A Prayer for Visiting a Mall in California
Please, G-d, may it be your will that my time of mall entry does not coincide with the planned arrival of a flash robbery, whether at Nordstrom, Bloomingdale’s or anywhere else. And may a dozen robbers not plow into me, holding stolen designer handbags, and may they not run over me in their attempt to make a getaway. Please just let me sit somewhere and enjoy my $9 kids’-sized ice cream cone from the Häagen-Dazs stand in peace.
A Prayer for Buying a Designer Handbag in California
G-d, you know I like a nice designer handbag every now and then, whether real or fake. But if I treat myself (or am gifted) a designer handbag, especially if it was purchased online, please don’t let it be ill-gotten goods. May that handbag not have been stolen by flash robbers, because I’ll never have peace of mind otherwise. Oh, and please don’t let me be run over by a dozen flash robbers if I visit the mall. I heard about some poor woman who fell down head-first when robbers mowed her down as she sat and enjoyed some Häagen-Dazs ice cream at the mall last week.
A Prayer for Driving in California in the Rain
G-d, I just hope everyone around me knows how to drive in the rain, because I sure don’t.
A Prayer for Driving on the 5 or 405 Freeway During a Holiday Weekend
Oh, G-d, please let this 200-mile drive be shorter than 24 hours. And please allow me to return home and not discover I’ve been burglarized. And most importantly, since I just spent three days in such clean, fresh air and open space, don’t let me exit the freeway near home and be filled with an immediate sense of repulsion and confinement over having to return to the city. And may I not be compelled to ask, “What’s that smell?” near the palm tree outside my apartment.
A Prayer for Driving from Los Angeles to San Diego on a Friday Afternoon
Please, G-d, let this take less than four hours. It used to take two.
A Prayer for Buying Groceries in California
G-d, please let my children love meat or organic vegetables, but not both.
A Prayer for Buying Gasoline in California
Thank you, G-d, for having allowed me to have lived long enough so that I was alive when gasoline in this state only cost $1.80 per gallon. (Also, that was only 15 years ago.)
The Ultimate Prayer for Living in California
I thank you, G-d, from the bottom of my heart, for having allowed me to have lived in the state with the most natural beauty, four wondrous seasons, mountains, oceans, forests and deserts, and a wonderful, caring Jewish community. Please, G-d, stop the well-intentioned, but foolishly destructive plans of those who have the power to ruin this once-amazing state. May you stifle their plans, or at least confuse them on their way to their meetings.
Please provide immediate shelter and bodily and mental health care to those who need them most. Provide rain to our state (but not so much rain as to cause flooding), keep all earthquakes at bay (especially not the San Francisco Bay), and let all future hurricane warnings be as impotent and overdramatized as the one we experienced last month.
Restore this state to its former glory, or at least, allow it to live up to more of its potential. And may the next naked man I see running through a California street be a vision of Archimedes, shouting “Eureka!” because he stumbled on a Los Angeles gas station that charges $4 per gallon for unleaded fuel.
Tabby Refael is an award-winning writer, speaker and weekly columnist for The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles. Follow her on X and Instagram @TabbyRefael
