Holding Two Truths at Once: How to Make Your New Year’s Resolutions Stick

The start of a new year often brings a familiar impulse: to do better. We set intentions to be more patient, to slow down and be more present when spending quality time with family and friends. But very quickly, those aspirations encounter real life, where difficult conversations and complicated relationships pull us in opposite directions.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. According to a recent American Psychiatric Association Healthy Minds Poll, nearly one in three adults worry about navigating challenging family dynamics. Family interactions often bring our values into closest contact with one another, which is why these moments can feel so charged.

As an educator, I’ve seen this tension play out again and again in classrooms, communal spaces, and leadership settings. The push and pull between who we hope to be and how we actually respond in the moment, between keeping the peace and showing up authentically, is something I’ve wrestled with throughout my career. I’ve learned that navigating moments where values collide is simply part of being human.

I think of these as crossroads moments, times when we’re pulled between competing values or commitments and must decide how to move forward. In these situations, we can react on instinct or respond with intention. It’s not easy, and it takes practice, but putting in the effort to respond mindfully can make all the difference toward our New Year’s resolutions.

Approaching Conflict With Intention 

According to Jewish tradition, conflict is actually the birthplace of growth. A teaching from the Talmud illustrates this vividly. The text describes a traveler walking through the night, unsure of what lies ahead and conscious of the risks around him: thorny paths, hidden pits, wild animals, robbers. A torch provides some relief, but not enough to help him understand where he’s headed. It’s only at daybreak, when he arrives at a crossroads, that the situation shifts.

We might think of a crossroads as a point of confusion, unsure how to navigate and worried the wrong choice will be made. But in this teaching, the crossroads is an opportunity to pause, make sense of the situation, and decide which path to take. Once we can name the values pulling us in different directions, the tension becomes more manageable. We can see both truths clearly and respond with intention rather than instinct.

Four Questions to Navigate Real Conversations

If the New Year is about putting values into practice, then these crossroads moments are where that work actually happens. In moments like these, I invite you to use four questions to help navigate the tension. Just like a map helps you understand where you are and which direction to take, these four questions guide us from reaction to reflection, helping us unpack a dilemma, name the values at play, and consider what our next step might be.

Let’s look at it with a familiar scenario: You just returned from an incredible New Year’s trip and have hundreds of photos that capture just how amazing it was. While scrolling through them, deciding which to post on social media, a thought surfaces: What about your friends who have been stuck at work, barely covering rent? Posting these pictures isn’t wrong, but could it stir up negative feelings in others?

This tension is exactly the kind of crossroads these questions help us navigate. Start by asking yourself:

1. What is actually happening here?

Pause long enough to notice which values are at stake. In this case, there is tension between expressing joy and being mindful of others’ feelings. Both matter: sharing something meaningful from your life, and being considerate of friends who are having a harder year. Naming these two pulls helps clarify the moment before reacting to it.

2. What direction am I heading toward?

Pay attention to the feelings, instincts or beliefs shaping your initial response. Most tension isn’t a matter of right or wrong; it’s often about two good values pulling at once. Here, there are two guiding beliefs: You value maintaining an online presence and also want to be sensitive to others. You might also recognize a deeper belief: You don’t want to diminish your joy, but you do want to share it in a thoughtful way. Naming these guiding forces helps you understand where each instinct is leading.

3. Have I been here before?

Tension often echoes. Look for patterns that can guide you from your own past. Maybe you’ve been on the other side of this story, seeing friends post about joyous occasions while you were struggling. Or perhaps there was a time when you chose not to post and later regretted holding back. Drawing on these past experiences helps us respond with memory rather than reflex.

4. What can guide me through this?

Now that you’ve reflected on your own experience, consider what outside resources might help. Is there someone you admire for how they navigate these tensions, a role model whose approach you trust? Perhaps there’s a teaching or value that grounds you, such as: “Be genuine” or “Lead with empathy.” Maybe there’s a practice you turn to when facing difficult choices, like talking it through with someone or sleeping on it. Identifying guides beyond your own instincts gives you additional perspective and support.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

If you’re setting your intentions for 2026, I encourage you to start with the next crossroads: the angry text you’re tempted to fire off or the next family gathering you’d rather avoid. Pause long enough to ask the four questions and choose a response you can stand behind. Let that moment count as practice. Then do it again the next time you’re tested.

I’ve watched this framework travel far beyond classrooms. After the Oct. 7 attacks of 2023 on Israel, I turned it into a question-based card game to help people work through difficult conversations at Shabbat tables, in youth movements, in staff meetings, in moments of joy and in moments of pain. Each card presents a real-world scenario and asks players to choose a response, articulate the underlying values, and gives them a chance to notice what pulls at them and why.

What these moments continue to teach me is that our values take shape through lived experiences. They’re forged by the choices we make in real time, at real tables, with people we care about. Over time, those choices become habits, and those habits are what allow our intentions to last beyond January.

Kiva Rabinsky serves as Deputy CEO and Chief Program Officer at M². He has worked extensively in Jewish camps and service-learning initiatives, and previously designed and led experiential education training programs at Yeshiva University. He holds an MPA in Nonprofit Management and a BA in Education and Archaeology.