In the shift towards self-care, many have turned inward, asking, “What do I need?” This is whether we are regaining a sense of who we are or trying to find ourselves for the first time.
However, we often confuse our own requisites with what we think others want. Our needs are not the same as someone else’s.
In Pirke Avot, Hillel would say, “Do not judge a person until you have reached his place.” Flipping the adage, we must take the time to first understand a person‘s situation, circumstances, security, and self-worth before we determine what we think is best for them. What serves us may not be the best recipe in serving someone else. This may even change day to day.
Simply, but sensitively asking, “What is it that you need,” may be one of the greatest acts of love we can perform. No assumptions. No judgment. True interest in another’s fulfillment is a beautiful gift. Perhaps a question they’ve never been asked before. A curiosity they never knew was worthy of consideration.
May our genuine desire to understand bring us closer to those we love, ushering in greater waves of honesty, wonder, and deep connection.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Nicole Guzik is senior rabbi at Sinai Temple. She can be reached at her Facebook page at Rabbi Nicole Guzik or on Instagram @rabbiguzik. For more writings, visit Rabbi Guzik’s blog section from Sinai Temple’s website.
