Bikur Cholim in L.A.: A blessing for my family

Four months ago I wrote a story that, no doubt, caused problems for ” target=”_blank”>Aaron, was in Los Angeles for medical treatment for a very difficult case of advanced cancer. He passed away on Feb. 3, but from his arrival on Jan. 5 until then, his final weeks were enriched because of Bikur Cholim's generosity and reliability; not to mention the peace of mind and relief the group provided for me and for my mother, who accompanied Aaron to Los Angeles.

A few days after Aaron and my mother arrived, we called Bikur Cholim and explained the situation to them. My mom left out the part about her being related to the reporter who wrote a not-so-flattering story about Hershy Ten, due to my concern that any known connection between Aaron and me could result in his not getting the best care possible. In retrospect, that concern was totally unwarranted, and I'm sure Bikur Cholim would have provided exactly the same exemplary care it did, but when you love someone and are trying to help them get better, reason can take a back seat to anxiety. And, anyways, I'm sure the connection was quickly deduced by Bikur Cholim, as “Sichel” is a very uncommon name in Jewish circles, and in all circles.

Within a few days after alerting Bikur Cholim as to Aaron's condition, the group provided him and my mother a beautiful, free, furnished apartment in a Jewish neighborhood (my pad is hopelessly small and I have a roommate), a free wheelchair, and, every Friday, gourmet, free meals for Shabbat. As it happens, Aaron never had the opportunity to use the apartment, because he was hospitalized at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center within a few days of his arrival. 

The Shabbat meals (dinner and lunch) were a sight to behold. Every Friday, a Bikur Cholim driver would come to the hospital with a big white box and a big white bag. The box had food. The bag had magazines and newspapers (one week, even a Jewish Journal). As if providing vulnerable patients and families with some calories and nutrition weren't enough, Bikur Cholim put an amazing amount of thought into every element of the Shabbat meals. There were multiple loaves of challah so that we could fulfill the commandment of making the blessing over bread on two loaves…and so we could eat more challah. The chicken (and maybe all of the food) was from arguably the best kosher market in the city. The side dishes included Israeli salad, egg salad, cole slaw, hummus, and other delicious luxuries. And the cold cuts were high quality. There were kippot, a couple bottles of grape juice, and, in case there wasn't enough thought put into the meal, a few kiddush cups for making the blessing over the grape juice. 

There was so much food that hospital staff had to help us make room for all of our leftovers. A few weeks ago, as Shabbat neared one Friday afternoon, I was concerned because Bikur Cholim's Shabbat kit had not yet arrived. I called the office, and the line sent me to voicemail, which allowmed me to mark the message as urgent (I did not say my name), but was doubtful that anything would come of it, as Shabbat was set to start in less than 30 minutes. About 10 minutes later, I received a call from Hershy Ten, who assured me that the Shabbat meals either had already arrived or would any minute. When I walked back into Aaron's hospital room, I saw the big white box and the big white bag on the floor next to the door.

Some actions are so good, decent, and meaningful, that using words to describe them is insufficient. Words can't adequately describe how Bikur Cholim made my family, particularly Aaron (and also my father and my sister, Ilana), feel taken care of. Especially for him and my mother, who were visitors in a city not their own, feeling taken care of is huge. For patients battling a serious illness, feeling taken care of is an important factor in recovery.

Being taken care of is just another way of saying “being set up for success”, or creating an environment in which the attainment of one goal is so important, that most other distractions need to be removed for that goal to be reached.

Professional athletes are given everything they need to excel–training staff, massage therapists, hot tubs, ice baths, food, transportation. The same applies for politicians, business executives, surgeons…the list goes on. Some tasks are so important that almost everything else needs to be taken care of for the job to be completed. In the case of fighting an advanced disease, such as metastatic cancer, the job of taking on the disease is of such importance and of such difficulty that it requires setting up the ill individual for success.

If doing laundry, cooking, or earning money, is ultimately a source of anxiety for someone with an advanced disease, then just as a president or a CEO needs an entire staff behind him or her to take of care of many of life's necessary, but time-consuming tasks, a person fighting an illness needs a support staff so that they can focus on recovery. My brother had a wonderful support staff of friends, relatives, rabbis, and doctors throughout the entire battle. And up and down the East Coast, Jewish aid organizations (including the ” target=”_blank”>Washington, ” target=”_blank”>New York) helped Aaron and my family feel taken care of. I wasn't sure if Bikur Cholim in Los Angeles could do for my brother what I knew the Bikur Cholims in older (East Coast) Jewish communities could. I was wrong. The group's generosity, empathy, and thoughtfulness blew us away and served as a very bright light in what was a dark month for my family.

Fighting cancer is awful. Fighting it alone is worse. For Jews in Los Angeles, it's an amazing blessing that an illness never has to be fought alone, thanks to Bikur Cholim.

Donations made in memory of Aaron (z”l) should be directed to