Three Jews to Keep in Mind This Passover

In my experience, we Jews are extraordinarily talented at three endeavors: responding to the world’s never-ending ethical needs; chronicling the human condition through brilliant works of art; and incessantly complaining about the demands of Passover weeks before the holiday starts. 

There is a correlation between religious observance and Passover-related stress: The more you try to honor the laws of Passover, committing yourself to external deeds that mirror the love and respect you hold for Judaism in your heart, the more you inevitably worry over Passover preparation.

But after Oct. 7, 2023, I stopped complaining over the many demands related to Passover and unabashedly celebrated the fact that I, and my loved ones, were still here to experience the holiday. This Passover, I am continuing this liberating mentality, which, like any healthy realization, is based on reality. 

This year, as we sit down for the seder, hear the eternal words of our redemption, and again remember the taste of matzah (was it always this crunchy?), let us keep all Jews, whether our brothers and sisters in Israel, Iran, Argentina, Ukraine, France, or elsewhere in mind. But let us especially keep the following three Jews in mind. Doing so will uplift our humanity and consciousness in immeasurable ways. 

The Young Rabbi and His Wife

As we gather for the Passover seder, let us honor the memory of Rabbi Zvi Kogan, z”l, the Israeli Moldovan Chabad rabbi who was abducted and killed in the United Arab Emirates last November. He was 28. 

Rabbi Kogan disappeared Nov. 21 and his abandoned car was found in the city of Al Ain. He was found dead three days later.

In 2022, just two years before he perished, Rabbi Kogan married Rivky Spielman. Tragically, her uncle, Rabbi Gavriel Noach Holtzberg, and his wife, Rivka, were murdered by Islamists in an attack against Chabad of Mumbai in 2008.

In addition to conducting Jewish outreach on behalf of Chabad, Rabbi Kogan also helped manage Rimon, a kosher supermarket in Dubai (last month, Rimon announced that it was moving). On March 31, the UAE announced it would sentence three Uzbek nationals to death for the crime of abducting and killing him. The men were extradited from Turkey.

Zvi Kogan can no longer search his home, his car, or any other areas for forbidden chametz. He can no longer recite the holy words of the Haggadah or consume four glasses of wine. He and his wife can no longer host Jews in Abu Dhabi for Passover seders. Something tells me he must have loved Passover. 

His wife has been rendered a double victim of Jew-hating terrorism. Last year, she and her husband may have hosted a beautiful seder in Abu Dhabi. I do not know where she will be this year, but I pray that she is surrounded by love, comfort, and unshakeable faith. 

Let us search our homes for chametz, partake in our seders with gratitude, and open our homes with extra zeal — and without complaint —in the memory of Rabbi Kogan.

The Devoted Mother

A woman can be the heart of a home, and since so many Passover rituals focus on the home, much of Passover preparation falls on women. This year, I am thinking of one particular woman, whom I did not know, but who, like most Iranian Jewish women, must have dedicated herself to preparing for the holiday with tremendous time, devotion, and care. 

I am referring to Linda Farzan, z”l, who was allegedly killed by her husband on Feb. 5 in Encino. She was shot outside of a friend’s home after attending a religious meeting; her teenage son witnessed the tragedy. As I wrote in a previous column, her death has shaken our community and caused untold pain.

It is not hard to imagine Linda last Passover, undoubtedly cleaning her home and searching to chametz; preparing shopping lists and visiting multiple kosher supermarkets; checking food items meticulously to ensure they were kosher for Passover; standing on her feet for hours to lovingly prepare Persian delicacies for her family; and, since she was an Iranian Jew, perhaps reveling in the playfulness of the “Dayenu” ritual, in which Jews from Iran swat at one another with pungent scallions. 

None of this is hard to imagine. What is more difficult is the thought of Linda’s beloved children, gathered this year around a seder table, and partaking in Passover without her. 

I am also thinking of her friends who witnessed her death in the early evening hours, in an otherwise quiet residential street in the valley. Her void, on this first Passover without her, must be unbearable. 

Let us have Linda in mind the next time we are tempted to complain about long lines at kosher markets before Passover, or the sheer amount of cleaning and preparation that awaits us. Let us enjoy a sweet treat this Passover and say a blessing over it, in the merit of her memory. 

The Grieving Father

If we stopped this Passover to contemplate the thousands of Israelis who are mourning the loss of their beloved family and friends, whether they were killed on Oct. 7, taken as hostages and later declared dead, or they fell as brave soldiers or first responders, we would undoubtedly fall apart. But we must remember these souls, each precious, and each a universe of life, love and dreams.

We must also remember the 24 hostages who may still be alive in Gaza, continuing to endure Hamas’ barbaric cruelty. Last Passover, as well as this Passover, Jews worldwide truly learned the meaning of freedom, captivity, and tyranny. 

But though I am thinking of the hostages and of those who have perished in the last 18 months, I am also thinking of one man in particular: Yarden Bibas. 

In February, Yarden (and the world) learned that his beloved wife, Shiri, and two precious sons, Kfir and Ariel, were murdered by Hamas, who killed the small boys with their bare hands. 

I imagine this special family during Spring 2023, when they may have celebrated Passover together with relatives. Kfir was born a few months earlier, in January. Did little Ariel, who was three at the time, manage to stay awake for most of the seder? Did he find the afikomen his father may have hidden somewhere in the house?

I then imagine Yarden last Passover, when he was still being held captive by Hamas, and when he still did not know whether his family was alive or dead. 

This year, I do not know if he will participate in any Passover rituals. Hamas also killed his father-in-law and mother-in-law on Oct. 7, wiping out three generations of a Jewish family. I pray that Yarden is with his own family. I can no longer think about finding afikomen without imagining that Ariel Bibas must have delighted in finding the hidden treasure for himself. Perhaps he was dressed in his beloved Batman pajamas. 

Whether our loved ones agitate us before Passover, or during the actual seders, let us bear in mind Yarden Bibas, who no longer had a home nor a wife and children to which he could return upon his release. How small our annoyances seem compared to the universe of pain and grief encompassing this young father. 

In truth, we should have these three Jews in mind the entirety of the year, rather than merely during Passover. And if we really want to honor the memories of Rabbi Kogan, z”l, Linda Farzan, z”l, and Shiri, Ariel and Kfir Bibas, z”l, we can always commit to performing a mitzvah with them in mind. This may include adhering to positive commandments, such as purchasing and consuming a few products with kosher for Passover labels on them, or refraining from forbidden practices, such as choosing to not speak gossip or “lashon hara” (harmful speech) about someone, even if it is true. 

Perhaps the maror, or bitter herbs, and the matzah, or bread of affliction, will taste more bitter this year. Perhaps our mindfulness of their taste is truly for the good.

Chag Kasher v’Sameach.

Tabby Refael is an award-winning writer, speaker and weekly columnist for The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles. Follow her on X and Instagram @TabbyRefael.