Tzav – A poem

So, you want to be a priest.

Or maybe you were just born into it.

Either way, the details rival any

fraternity or sorority initiation.

I only mention sorority because

of my egalitarian sensibility.

We all know at Mount Sinai women

were not part of the hazing rituals.

So, you want to be a priest.

Well get this, right away we learn

and he shall don his linen

trousers on his flesh.

From the get-go Judaism mandates

wearing pants. And it’s so specific.

You can’t just have your pants with you.

You need to, literally, put them on your body.

So, you want to be a priest. Hey, that’s

okay, but pretty soon in you’re told

and he shall take off his garments

and put on other garments.

And now you’re left thinking, you

need a wardrobe budget if you’re

going to take this job. And you don’t

have a choice but to take this job

because you’re a Cohen and

that’s the family business.

So, you want to be a priest.

And they try to distract you from

all the details of pants, and

putting on other clothes by telling you

And the fire on the altar shall burn on it;

it shall not go out.

And I guess it wasn’t Morrissey who

first said there is a light that never goes out.

And I’m pretty sure that Morrissey wears pants

which makes me believe in him all the more.

So, you want to be a priest.

And it starts to get a little crazy

up in this Tabernacle when Moses

starts sprinkling oil and blood

on all the initiates.

And they’re told

And you shall not leave the entrance of

the Tent of Meeting for seven days

and seven days is a long time

to stand anywhere,

wearing the same pants

covered in oil and blood

eating the gifted flesh

tending to the flame.