After struggling with her fertility, Biblical matriarch Rebekah learns that she is pregnant with twins. The pregnancy is difficult; the fetuses push up against each other, and Rebekah famously asks, “If so, why do I exist?”
Rashi seems to think that faced with pain and worry over the twins fighting for space, Rebekah wonders whether it was worth getting pregnant at all.
But this time, it is difficult agreeing with Rashi.
Here is a woman, once infertile, pregnant with twins. It’s a dream come true. Even in pain, her question doesn’t seem to be one in which she wishes away the pregnancy. Instead, perhaps her inquiry is a wonderment of her future role in the lives of her fighting children. Her title of mother will be multi-layered: nurturer, provider, and constant reconciler. Her purpose in this world evolves, even as her twins struggle in her womb.
A lesson for each of us: our purpose is multi-layered and ever evolving, lest we think there is only one goal we are meant to achieve or story we are meant to write. Through both pain and joy, our purpose continues to take shape: turning, twisting, changing, and growing. Some moments are ones of struggle, and others are paved with smoother paths.
But through it all, like our matriarch Rebekah, we should be asking, “If so, why do I exist?”
God wants more and more from each of us. Souls are meant to expand in ways we can’t possibly imagine. Purposes evolve, and dreams certainly still in formation.
Shabbat Shalom
Rabbi Nicole Guzik is senior rabbi at Sinai Temple. She can be reached at her Facebook page at Rabbi Nicole Guzik or on Instagram @rabbiguzik. For more writings, visit Rabbi Guzik’s blog section from Sinai Temple’s website.
