I just completed a project I started in November 2023: taking each of my three sons on vacation separately. The trips are approximately three to five days long. As the song sung so beautifully by Bill Withers says, “Just the two of us.”
My boys and I don’t go somewhere and return looking rested or all pink in the face from an enzyme exfoliator scrub. Our necks are not loose from a shiatsu massage. No sportscoats, pressed pants or buffed nails. We pack two pairs of underwear; we’ll only use one, the pants we wear on the plane or climb in the car with, and the sunblock Mom slipped in that we never use, and off we go. If everything in our bag is lost, we’ll need $20 to replace it. No fights or arguments during all three trips. Nobody taking sides with anyone. No yelling or screaming, just fun and more fun.
Sunday through Thursday is our vacation slot. I invite them; I pay for everything except one dinner. When you tell your children that you’ll pay, it’s much easier for them to find the time. If you’re old, they want to get this trip in before you lose it or kick off.
This last trip was with my son Noah, the hardest to plan because of his work schedule and because they have a two-year-old and another one on the way.
We chose Detroit for our vacation. I’ve been watching game shows for 60 years, and nobody has ever won a round-trip, all-expenses-paid trip to Detroit. The first day, we went to see the Los Angeles Dodgers play the Detroit Tigers at the beautiful Comerica Park. The next day, we went fishing at Lake Saint Clair. On the last day, we visited the Henry Ford Museum and the Rouge Plant, where they make the F-150 truck. No clean underwear or matching socks needed for any of these adventures.
I rented a four-wheel off-road Jeep, and because we are Jews, we did not go off-road. The closest we came to off-road was when I hit a curb.
One evening after dinner, we decided to go see a shoot-’em-up movie, “Mutiny,” with Jason Statham. It was a 50-mile round-trip ride to see this garbage. Only two men would agree to drive 50 miles to see 12 people shot in the head in IMAX.
Fishing day was a glorious eight hours on the Lake with Captain Mark, who works with his son. Four people: two fathers, two sons. The only concession I made toward normal life was that the boat had to have a bathroom. The ones that don’t hand you an old milk bottle when you climb aboard. When I asked how women handle no bathroom, if I understood correctly, they would need the balancing skills of an ibex while hanging off the bow of the boat.
Noah caught the big fish, a 41-inch musky. Not wanting to usurp Noah, I kept my catches much tinier.
For me, the most memorable trips with my dad were flounder and bluefish fishing trips on a charter out of Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn. Waking at 4 a.m., having breakfast in a diner, then out into the Atlantic. Bringing home our catch in a burlap bag to show Mom. It doesn’t get much better.
I honestly believe that these three- to five-day trips with each child separately have brought us closer. If you already have love and trust, these trips deepen it that much more. There are no distractions, just the two of you. If you have kids and you haven’t gone off with them individually, go.
Spending time with your kids is amazing; spending time alone with them is differently amazing. In my case, I saw the real men that each one has become. Each is shouldering huge responsibilities. Each is a person you can count on. Seeing this up close and personal, and knowing in my heart that my wife and I have sent good people into the world, is rewarding beyond belief.
This is one of those things I am so glad I didn’t put off until tomorrow, and until I was too old to do it. I had an idea, and I made it happen. Thanks, boys, for hanging with Pops. Let’s start planning round two.
Mark Schiff is a comedian, actor and writer and hosts, along with Danny Lobell, the “We Think It’s Funny” podcast. His new book is “Why Not? Lessons on Comedy, Courage and Chutzpah.”
