I Still Can’t Sleep

In today’s column I am revisiting the topic of insomnia because insomnia keeps revisiting me. I last wrote about this more than two years ago, and heard from loads of other sleep-deprived Journal readers who told me how much they related to it. Yes, misery loves company. Well, here you go again, friends. May this column serve you better than five milligrams of melatonin and a white noise machine, transporting you to the land of Zzzzs for several solid hours. 

Why do I have stretches of weeks when I sleep very well and then suddenly, that streak ends and I’m tossing and turning again? I don’t see any pattern or reasoning. It’s a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, in a bottle of Tylenol PM. Lying in bed, I try to force myself to relax, a ludicrous contradiction in terms. Please don’t call sleep “shut-eye” because many of us are pretending to be asleep with our eyes closed. Really, we are glumly awake under our eyelids. 

The Talmud says that sleep is considered to be 1/60th of death, because we have reduced consciousness and even our heart rate and respiration are lowered. That may sound a little morbid, until we learn that despite our conscious powers being suppressed during sleep, the soul is being rejuvenated, our spiritual connections recharging. I like this idea very much, but all I can tell you is that when I am seriously sleep deprived and finally get out of bed (note I did not say “wake up”) I sometimes feel more like 10/60ths of death out of exhaustion. Not only did I miss out on restorative sleep, but I also missed out on partying with God! That’s why I continue to try to tame this beast.  

At night, we say a special Shema that includes a prayer not to have bad dreams and to wake up refreshed in the morning. Yes, sleep is really a blessing from God, one that I’ll continue to pray for.

In the Torah, we learn about sleep and dreams through several people. God put Adam into a deep sleep, and when he woke up, he was married to a woman with whom he hadn’t gone on a single date. Then, she convinced him to eat a fruit that got them evicted from Eden, and he had to work the land for the next 920 years. Maybe he would have preferred insomnia.

While traveling, the patriarch Jacob managed to fall asleep while using a hard rock as a pillow. (He hadn’t packed his Tempur-Pedic.) He dreamed a prophetic dream in which angels went up and down that famous ladder. Commentators offer different interpretations of the dream, but all agree that it points to a future where Jacob will have countless descendants. When Jacob awakes, not only does he not have a headache, but God Himself is standing there, promising him the Land of Israel. Maybe memory foam pillows aren’t all that they’re cracked up to be.   

Jacob’s favorite son, Joseph, famously blabbed to his parents and brothers about his dreams that one day they would bow down to him. This didn’t play well with his brothers, who were already jealous of him. They dumped Joseph, whom they derisively dubbed “the dreamer,” into a pit, from which he was saved, only to languish in an Egyptian prison for 12 years. 

But dreams became his ticket to freedom and power, when Pharoah could not understand his dreams about the seven fat cows and the seven skinny cows. This was child’s play for Joseph, who explained it all for Pharoah and as a reward became viceroy of Egypt. Meanwhile, his prophetic dream about his brothers bowing down to him came true.

Ordinary people like me have dreams that are bizarre and sometimes unnerving. Lacking the spiritual insights of a Joseph or a Jacob, we are left to puzzle over their meaning. I suppose that somehow, even weird dreams must serve a spiritual purpose. Understanding more than that is beyond my pay grade. 

At night, we say a special Shema that includes a prayer not to have bad dreams and to wake up refreshed in the morning. Yes, sleep is really a blessing from God, one that I’ll continue to pray for, blackout shades drawn, sleep mask on, and gentle waterfall sounds playing softly in the background.

Judy Gruen is the author of “Bylines and Blessings,” “The Skeptic and the Rabbi,” and other books. She is also a book editor and writing coach.