Creative Aging: Why I Need to Apologize

13th in a series.

If I could go back in time, I’d have to apologize. 

And now is the time. It’s the Hebrew month of Elul, just before Rosh Hashanah, when we are supposed to be reassessing everything. 

I apologize for my combative hubris over many years when family members and friends often became irritated with my youthful (defined as up till the age of 60) extreme liberal beliefs. They told me I would moderate as I aged. Their thinking irritated me, as well as the predictions about how I would change.  

They were right. 

Today, among my intellectual and emotional challenges is the consistent weighing of my reactions and thoughts in the political and social justice arenas. What do I still embrace? What do I let go? What do I now let in? How open am I to different thinking? 

Recently, I had some substantive conversations with Jewish organizations considered right wing. When I asked them about being labeled as right-wing organizations, each one told me they don’t define themselves that way. Just because they are fighting antisemitism, the delegitimization of Israel and terrorism, they explained, does not make them a right-wing organization. They are fighting on behalf of the rights of the Jewish people. After all my years active with left wing organizations, I believe that if I was to ask those groups if they are left wing, they would proudly stand up saying, “Hell, yes,” flashing that badge on and off. 

It was a real awakening.

Life was more comfortable when I defined myself as left and others as right, when I was certain of what I thought and advocated, when my box was well-fortified and I breathed the air deep inside it. It was easier when I could dismiss everything that didn’t fit, labeling it as unjust. I surrounded myself with people who thought similarly and we were all there to reaffirm for one another that we were the ones on the right path. It was exciting when we could demonize our detractors as enemies, arming ourselves with words, articles, speeches and ideas for the righteous battle.

Today, I have little tolerance for those who identify as right or left, both talking like they hold an absolute truth on either side. Who holds truth in opinions? No one.

Today, I have little tolerance for those who identify as right or left, both talking like they hold an absolute truth on either side. 

Who holds truth in opinions? No one. An opinion is not a truth. It’s … an opinion. Even from the most respected and praiseworthy thinkers. That’s very different than who tells lies. Lies can actually be substantiated as lies.

If there is anything we learn from studying Jewish texts, raising the question — the exploration — is everything. Even holy. Answers are relative and debatable. Yet, how secure are we to ask questions about our deepest held beliefs? To question our most revered teachers, writers, politicians and religious leaders? Alive and dead. 

After all my questioning, I find I still hold to some of my old opinions. And believe in some new ones. 

Donald Trump is disastrous for America. Abortion is a woman’s right. Racism is an evil. There needs to be a Palestinian state. Israel’s democracy protests are extraordinary. There is a right to question Israel’s policies. Trans people have rights. Climate change is real. I like Democrats Mazie Hirono (Hawaii) and Jamie Raskin (Md.). 

Does all that make me left? 

I also believe that many of the recent methodologies to root out racism tend towards being revenge tactics, racism itself. After having taught in a university, I believe DEI infantilizes and weakens the very people it means to strengthen, and has become more of the bottom line than education itself. I believe that antisemitism in America, both on the extreme right and the extreme left, are equally dangerous to the Jewish community, just the same way these extremes are equally dangerous to America. I believe much of the criticism of Israel stems from antisemitism. I don’t want to be intimidated by pronoun culture. I don’t think that kids below the age of 18 should be getting hormone treatments for transition.  I think Republicans Adam Kinzinger and Will Hurd are smart guys. 

Does all that make me right? 

What do these labels mean? What does adhering to them say? 

The questions are everything. 

To all those who told me so, it’s Elul and I apologize.

Gary Wexler woke up one morning and found he had morphed into an old Jewish guy.