In preparing to officiate at a funeral yesterday, I met with a family to make the arrangements and prepare the eulogy. I informed the mourning children that they might consider wearing an old garment at the funeral so that we could rip it before the ceremony (“tear keriah”) as is traditionally done. The response I received was the first I had ever received of its kind. The son told me that he would not do it. He said that for his father, he would only tear his nicest new garment. His father deserved it. I was very inspired by his unique commitment and how much this ritual meant to him.
There are many meaningful ways to mourn for loved ones; excessive spending on tombstones, however, is not the best Jewish choice.
The Chofetz Chaim taught that more important than saying kaddish for a deceased parent or buying a nice memorial tombstone is doing chesed, acts of kindness in their honor (Ahavat Chesed 2:15). He suggests that using funds to donate books to a synagogue or establish a loan fund for the poor is more important and useful than purchasing a grand deluxe monument for a cemetery.
While perhaps ” target=”_blank”>“average” cost of a headstone or tombstone is often estimated at $1,500-2,000. A simple ” target=”_blank”>just under $1,000 to $4,000, while more elaborate inscribed grave markers cost “>$10,000 or more.
While lower than the costs incurred by Christians (who often require embalming, rental of a funeral home for several days, etc.), a Jewish funeral in the West tends to follow the lead and can still be very expensive: The ” target=”_blank”>Maharal are buried, draws a steady stream of tourists who tread the narrow passageways. ” target=”_blank”>I've already made the case for overly extravagant celebrations but the same is true for how we mourn.
Rabbi Shmuly Yanklowitz is the Founder and President of “>The Shamayim V’Aretz Institute and is the author of ““>one of the top 50 rabbis in America.”
