You Should Be Skinny

This is not my advice on how you should get skinny.  I’m simply telling you, you should be skinny.  Everyone has to figure out what sort of diet and exercise plan and tricks and tips works for them.  Since I retired from dancing professionally, my weight has been pretty steady – five pounds heavier than it used to be which I’m not happy about but still pretty thin.  But, every year around my law school finals, I gain another 5 pounds because I stop exercising as much as I normally do which makes me fatter which makes me more depressed about studying the federal rules of evidence all day which makes me eat more to feel better and so on.  But once those hellish few weeks are over twice a year, I fall back into my routine and lose those extra pounds pretty quickly.  Right about now, is when I usually feel skinniest and if you think it doesn’t make a difference in your dating life, you’re just kidding yourself.  I’m 5’8” and as of this morning was 120 pounds; I’d feel better if I knew I was going to be 115 in two weeks when I’ll be at Coachella but I also feel good enough to look in the mirror naked and feel hot, and as long as this is true, I feel pretty good about my body. 

Look, it all sucks.  I hate watching what I eat all day and skipping dessert and ordering salads instead of pasta.  I hate that the media photographs the skinniest models and we perpetuate this almost unattainable ideal and that girls get eating disorders with terrible consequences.  If I could waive a magic wand and add ten pounds to every image of every hot woman in America, I would do it.  But until then, men and women will continue to associate that archetypal thin body on the pages of every magazine with the definition of beauty.  And let’s face it, women want to feel beautiful.  So glorifying the thin female form is part of being human in Western society.  I recognize that part of my own body image opinions are informed (or misinformed) by the fact that at one point in my life I signed a contract with a dance company where I agreed not to change my body type, which meant I had a job that depended on me not gaining weight.  And let’s face it, if you’re looking for a body image disorder, there’s no faster way to get there than to be a model or a dancer.  And as an ex-dancer, it’s hard for me not to compare myself now to the body I had when I was dancing six days a week.  But you don’t have to have the body of a supermodel or a dancer to be hot.  But you do have to be thin for what your body type is.

If you’re sitting around convinced that you’re a great catch and you just have to find a man who will love you for who you are and you shouldn’t have to feel bad about wearing the same size as the average American woman, you may be a better person than me, but you’re going to either be waiting a really long time or you’re going to have to start dating men that date fat women.  You can rail against and disparage this feminine ideal and eat whatever you want and most of you will find men to love you and make it all ok and you’ll accept your body for what it is.  And I’m genuinely happy for you that you will have a happy life. 

But in a certain pool, a certain class of men, the kind of man that says when I settle down, I want to be with a 10, well that kind of guy wants someone who fits in to his understanding of beauty.  And you know what?  I don’t begrudge him that, because I’m the same way.  Settling down has the word settle in it for a reason.  And when I settle down, I don’t want to settle for anything less than a guy who’s a 10.  Now this doesn’t mean he’s perfect because of course no one is.  But he needs to be a total package and the truth remains, if the guy were perfect for me in every way but he was fat, that’s not good enough for me.  So a top quality guy wants to date a thin girl.  You can’t change that.  You can find someone else to love you.  But if you want to date a truly top-tier guy, be realistic.  If you’re holding out for a guy with an incredible job, who makes good money, who’s smart and funny and accomplished and well-dressed with good taste who likes to ski and travel and knows how to order good wine and is well read and hot and well-spoken and went to a good school and will give you the life you always dreamed you wanted – guess what?!?!  He’s holding out for a girl just as amazing.  If you’re not that girl, recognize that you’re competing against girls who are.

Ok you hate me for this post.  Look I’ve been there, struggling with my weight too.  I thought about posting a picture of myself from my freshman year at college to prove to you all how much I’ve been there, but couldn’t bring myself to do it.  Obviously, I’m not saying you can only have a happy life if you’re thin.  You can add 20 pounds or 100 pounds for that matter and go on to have a great life, a successful life even, with a great career and a wonderful family.  But you’re going to have to marry someone who is ok with your extra poundage and I’m telling you, out of the ” title=”www.tamarashaynekagel.com” target=”_blank”> www.tamarashaynekagel.com and follow her on twitter