It’s Been Five Years Since COVID-19 Broke Out. Are We Finally ‘Okay’?

This week marks the five-year anniversary of the COVID-19 lockdowns. On March 19, 2020, Gov. Gavin Newsom issued a statewide stay-at-home order for California, and, like generations before, we were irreversibly touched by a pandemic that upended all areas of life and killed millions worldwide.

Thanks to COVID, we threw ourselves (though some were dragged) into the realms of online classes and working remotely; perhaps we still remember the carefully-managed lines to enter supermarkets in small groups, or the angst of attempting to reach medical professionals to ask about our loved ones’ well-being. And, lest we forget, we are effectively a generation that will always be a little uncomfortable at the sight of store shelves containing only a few rolls of toilet paper or water bottles.

In hindsight, how did we survive the pain and panic of that first unbearable year? 

Seemingly involuntarily, I still hold my breath as if I’m under water if someone has the audacity to cough or sneeze near me. Since 2021, I have contracted COVID three times, and my short-term memory and executive functioning are charmingly pathetic. In fact, I can still recite Marc Antony’s speech in Shakespeare’s “Julius Caesar,” which I learned in eighth grade Honors English in 1997, but I currently cannot recall what I ate for breakfast this morning. 

As a writer, I still remember how journalism, including Jewish journalism, was altered. When this paper took a print hiatus, I lost a precious Shabbat morning ritual: namely, sitting down with a warm cup of Persian tea each Saturday morning and lovingly reading each page, feeling the delicate paper on my fingertips and making pieces I especially enjoyed dog-eared. I was so appreciative and excited when we came back to print. 

For this week’s column, I asked an array of people, whether physicians, small business owners, or young mothers, to reflect on the five-year anniversary of the week in 2020 when everything changed. I am grateful to them for their candor and compassion. The following has been edited for clarity and length. 

The Hospital Chaplain

Reflecting on the experience of COVID-19 in the hospital remains deeply traumatic for me. It was an extraordinarily difficult and uncertain time in the hospital, marked by profound suffering and painful challenges. Witnessing the isolation of patients, enduring their illness without the presence of loved ones, was particularly tragic. The abnormally high death toll led to our morgue overflowing, a heartbreaking reality that underscored the gravity of the crisis.

Standing outside the overflow morgue, reciting Psalms, was an experience that was both tragic and deeply meaningful, as was posting signs on the doors of ICU patients during the first wave of COVID, letting them know that it was Passover, and striving to communicate with them and comfort them. It was a privilege to provide care for patients who were completely alone, offering them a measure of support and human connection during those uncertain days.

The bioethical dilemmas we confronted during that time were exceptionally challenging, forcing us to navigate difficult decisions with profound moral weight. Yet, as always, it was inspiring to see how timeless Jewish values provided guidance and wisdom in facing these complex contemporary dilemmas.

-Rabbi Dr. Jason Weiner, BCC
Senior Rabbi & Executive Director, Spiritual Care Department, Cedars-Sinai

The Small Business Owners

COVID felt like a never-ending nightmare, destroying everything we built. My husband’s catering business had grown from a few events a month to fully booked weekends for the entire year of 2020. He worked very hard and tirelessly. The start of 2020 was the first year that he was booked for the entire year (and several events for 2021). He had finally made it. 

Then, overnight, it all collapsed. Strict regulations made events impossible. For months, we had no income. At the time, it felt devastating and scary, especially with three children and one on the way. Due to no income, Ben changed careers. 

In hindsight, it was the greatest thing that happened to our marriage — we finally had time as a family, instead of never seeing each other due to the demands of being in the food industry. I was due in June 2020, and for the first time, my husband’s schedule allowed him to enjoy our baby. What once felt like a disaster turned into a blessing, giving us the gift of time together. Although losing everything financially, we gained each other again and found a new way for financial success. We decided to leave California and move to Florida to live in a state that aligned with our family values. We would have never moved, nor would my husband ever have given up his catering business had it not been for COVID We are happier now in Florida, although we greatly miss our beautiful Los Angeles Jewish community. 

I wish we knew that by losing everything financially, we would be gaining everything else. That losing the catering business was okay and something better was waiting. That things may seem very dark, but the beautiful light does come, and it shines bright.

-Ben and Shirine Amar, former owners of Capers

The Medical Student 

At the start of COVID in 2020, there were a lot of missed milestones, and so many compromises. Many events were canceled or postponed, but little did we know how many lives would be lost and how many ways the post-COVID era would be vastly different from the pre-COVID era. Having been a resident physician at Tel Aviv University’s Sackler School of Medicine during COVID, I answered phone calls every day from my patients’ spouses and family members, asking me whether their loved one was still alive. 

I often struggled to answer the question because everything was so unpredictable at the time and patients would change on a second-by-second basis. Patients improving and doing well would flatline in a moment, demonstrating, like a slap in the face, how little control we had and how unpredictable COVID was. 

Looking back, missing my medical school graduation because it was canceled was nothing compared to the losses my patients and my community suffered. I’m forever grateful to have been able to treat patients, and to have been a first responder during this pandemic.

-Jessica M. Rabbany, M.D., psychiatrist in Los Angeles and founder of Mindspace MD.

The New Mother

I want to be honest: What I remember the most from that time is how I was pregnant with our first son when COVID broke out; how he was born in April 2020 and neither my own parents and siblings, and none of my in-laws, were even able to leave the lobby of the hospital to see me and the baby upstairs, and my husband and I felt so alone; how I was so paranoid that I looked at every doctor and nurse in the delivery room and prayed they weren’t exposed to COVID; how my husband and I had done several rounds of IVF to have been blessed with our baby, but no one could even see him for so long; how the only people at his brit [milah] were me, my husband, and the mohel, and everyone else tried to watch it on Zoom; how my mom was hospitalized a few weeks after he was born and she told me that she wanted to see her first grandchild before anything happened to her; and how she and my dad finally got to see him for the first time from 10 feet away on the sidewalk. 

That’s mostly what I remember. That, and how one year later, when we tried to throw him his first birthday party, we had to cancel it because a lot of our relatives got COVID in April 2021. I don’t want to complain. He’s the biggest miracle of our lives. But if there’s a tornado in LA on his fifth birthday this year, I don’t think I’ll be surprised. 

-Shayna (name changed at her request)

The Concerned Doctor

Looking back, the COVID-19 era was not just a public health crisis — it was a test of leadership, ethics and resilience. I will never forget how science was politicized, and how decisions made by a single figure, Dr. Fauci, led to unnecessary suffering. The forced masking and vaccination of healthy children were a travesty. Meanwhile, elderly patients died alone in hospitals, stripped of dignity and the comfort of their families. We are still healing from these traumas.

At the same time, I am deeply proud of the role I played in warning people early about the harm of prolonged closures and fear-driven policies. 

Before COVID was even on most people’s radar, I predicted that schools and workplaces would shut down, and that lockdowns would be imposed — at first, people dismissed it. Later, when I predicted that COVID was rapidly weakening and that our reaction would ultimately be worse than the virus itself, many found reassurance in my words. Because of these predictions, my voice reached a wider audience, particularly in the Jewish community, where people were seeking clarity amid the chaos.

Though I live in Los Angeles, the observant Jewish community in New York started following me closely, and we held multiple Zoom sessions where they sought my guidance. This created a deep bond, and I was later invited to visit Chabad of Lake Success, where I met many in person, shared conversations, and exchanged hugs.

Five years later, are we “okay”? I don’t think we fully are. The scars remain. But if there is one thing I’ve learned, it’s that truth must be spoken — even when it’s unpopular. And when fear takes hold of the world, the greatest gift we can give each other is calm, reason, and faith in the future.

-Afshine Ash Emrani, M.D., F.A.C.C.
Assistant Clinical Professor, UCLA David Geffen School of Medicine

The Young Mother 

When COVID started, a different side of my husband came out. I don’t know if it was because he hated working from home and we had a baby and a toddler in the apartment all day and he couldn’t focus, or if he was stressed from all the anxiety, and he felt out of control because he couldn’t manage his employees as well online as he did in person. He became so angry and yelled at us all the time. 

The worst part was that in the beginning, it was hard for me and the kids to leave the house to get away from him because so many places were closed. I tried taking them to a botanical garden and someone who worked there kicked us out because my two-year-old wouldn’t wear a mask. I wasn’t working at that time, and the kids were still young, but I called a friend who’s a family law attorney and I said that the kids and I couldn’t take my husband’s abuse and anger anymore. I filed for divorce five months later. 

My ex-husband and I still keep in touch, and he is in therapy to help him with his anger and anxiety. I don’t really blame COVID for my divorce; his problems probably would have come out one way or another later, and maybe it was better that I found out sooner. 

-Hannah (name changed upon request)

The Hopeful Rabbi 

In January of 2020, I had the opportunity to spend an afternoon with an epidemiologist named Larry Brilliant who has had significant experience with pandemics. He explained step-by-step what would unfold in the coming months and his prediction was chillingly accurate. I remember a moment of utter terror as it began to sink in just how disruptive this event would be for our world.

One piece of wisdom that I realized early on was that while the pandemic was unprecedented for us, it certainly wasn’t unprecedented in human history. My own grandmother, Julia L. Davis, survived the Spanish Flu epidemic of 1918. It helps when you’re in the middle of a crisis to remember that just as previous generations somehow got through those tough times, so will we.

One interesting outcome of it all has been the tremendous increase in online participation, which continues to grow. We have literally thousands of viewers on our Friday night services. Our in-person attendance has largely returned, but we’re noticing a type of “hybrid” approach for many members: they continue to come in person for holidays, yahrzeits, and other special occasions. In addition, they will attend online from home or while traveling with some degree of regularity. One member of our board of directors told me recently that since the pandemic, his attendance has tripled because, now, even if traffic is bad or he’s feeling tired, he’ll join our stream, listen to the music, hear the sermon, and be inspired.

-Rabbi Yoshi Zweiback, Senior Rabbi, Stephen Wise Temple

The Adolescent Anxiety Expert

As a child and adolescent therapist, COVID catapulted me into uncharted waters. How do I reach through a screen to connect with kids as young as three years old who were dysregulated, anxious, and screen weary? How do I support the anxious parents of these little ones while simultaneously dealing with my own uncertainty? COVID taught me to reach deep. To become an expert at regulating myself so I can co-regulate with my clients. 

Five years later, every time I do an intake with a new family, I still hear the words, “Oh, that was his/her COVID year.” While we certainly can’t fully appreciate the global developmental impact COVID has had on young people, I can say that mental health professionals are still seeing the aftereffects in their clients. Illness Anxiety and Emetophobia (phobia of vomiting) are two of the more common anxiety disorders I see in my practice. I can’t help but wonder if this is coincidence or COVID-related. 

We are also seeing the effects of screens being introduced en masse to young children: iPads and computers that were handed over to kids and teens during COVID for educational purposes (or entertainment) have stayed around and have continued to play a big, and often unhelpful, role in kids’ lives. Many parents have found it difficult to impossible to dial back on screen-use post-COVID. 

Overall, I think it’s still too early to fully appreciate the mental health impact of COVID on youth. Perhaps at the decade mark, we will have a greater understanding of what it meant for a generation of youth to have lived through a global pandemic.  

– Suri Nowosiolski, LCSW, MSpEd.
Lead Therapist and Owner, Hearts and Minds Psychotherapy Group
www.surimsw.com

In the year 2120, mankind will undoubtedly research the stories and sagas related to the 100-year anniversary of the COVID-19 pandemic, just as our generation gained renewed interest on the 100th anniversary of the Spanish Flu outbreak in 1918. Perhaps a few centenarians who were children in 2020 will offer reflections on that painful time. Perhaps the only words they will be able to remember about having survived the pandemic will be, “How much longer do I have to stay in the Zoom waiting room?”

Tabby Refael is an award-winning writer, speaker and weekly columnist for The Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles. Follow her on X and Instagram @TabbyRefael